Friday, February 16, 2007
The Emotional Review 2007
I know I talk about Alex a lot here in ANNN but in reality, I do not talk about him often. I have always liked my relationships private, just the two of us. Below are two post Valentine's Day emails. The first from Alex and the second, my proper response to his emotional review. Alex's request for an emotional review Well, do you think we need emotional status review? We can't judge each other's mood from such distances. From my point of view I'm feeling a little insecure, you see when you were supposed to be coming over here, I was in control and didn't feel threatened by anything you could do, it would leave me no worse off... thinking back to why I left in the first place. Now if I am to go back over there then I'm no longer independent in the same way, and have to rely on the trust that's been rebuilt. I suppose that is why you are giving me more time, not hurrying me to come over, but then again, it might be an example of the insecurity I feel -> I suspect you enjoy your current secure but single status... See, at the moment the atmosphere is sort of humid, like the build up before a thunderstorm, we just need the row to open the floodgates and clear the atmosphere...? maybe? Just like BestGuyFriend and Nikki do every couple of weeks... Food for thought. Alex My response to Alex's emotional review Well Nikki did say that we haven't argued as much because time is precious for the two of us. We realise that there is a limit to how much time we get to spend with each other and as a result, we tend to be our very best and we forgive very easily. She suspects that when we get together permanently, we will argue just as much as they do at the moment. I don't like her theory, I am telling you. I am getting a little too old to row and argue. Time is too precious for me to spend days playing the silent treatment. It throws the focus off what I want to do and I know I won't be able to bear the emotional insecurities, the way Nikki has to deal with BestGuyFriend's. Frankly one of the primary reasons why I chose you over SwedishLove was for the fact that you do not have as many emotional baggage as SwedishLove does. He depended on me for a lot of his emotional needs and it was tiring trying to be perfect for him all the time. He did not have a good relationship with his mother, often being the parent in the relationship whilst his mother wasted her years away. As a result, he innately believe that if he loves enough and if he finds the perfect woman, they will share a perfect life. And he concentrated and focused too much in the relationship that we shared.... which drained me emotionally because I had to live up to his idea and aspirations for the perfect family life. I became the source where he derived unconditional love and devotion. You, on the other hand, perhaps due to your parents' devotion and nurturing, aren't as insecure as he was. And you do not see me as the solution to your emotional troubles. In our relationship, I think that I am the one who is needy - the need for security, love, affection and stability. And you have always proved yourself well... and that simple act deserves my loyalty and devotion. I admire you a lot for what you are able to do and what you have given me. You are generous towards me and you are a great teacher. I have learnt a lot from you - love, patience, devotion, faith, hope and generosity. It is almost strange to derive these attributes from of all persons - A NON CHRISTIAN. It has, in its very subtle ways, taught me that one has to appreciate a person for WHO HE IS, never what membership he has enrolled himself into.... I am getting sidetracked.... HighSchoolSweetheart asked me once why I chose you instead of many other men. I chose you because you are the very best part of me. I have made mistakes and I swore to myself that I shall spend my life repenting. You do not know how many times I have silently asked you to forgive me. Each time I am nice to you, just remember - it is my way of showing my love and devotion towards you. Each time I cook, do something extra, send a card, think of you - they are all little acts that I do because I realised that I do love you very much (in my own way). Perhaps I am strange and to a certain extend, maybe I am even a little crazy. I am not perfect but each time I do something, I did it because my heart recognized how much I love you. There are things that I do for you, I would never do for others. And I most certainly not even do it for my family or for myself. But for you, I would most certainly do almost anything, if it means that you are more happy and comfortable. I hate getting up my ass but if you were sick, I'd make Lemsip for you. I won't do it for myself but I would do it for you. Sometimes I fear that I would lose you one day. And that one day, when I wake up, you would chose not to love me anymore. And I fear that tremendously. But I have realised that I can't control you and I can't make you love me. I don't even know why you love me or chose to be with me. I only know why I chose you. Otto *** His following response was terribly poor. So poor it was that I would not copy and paste it. All Alex said was that I wrote well. That was the last thing I had expected from Alex since he requested for a damn emotional review at midnight while I was sitting in my panties writing new car articles for the magazine! Argh! Men... pffft! My emotional floodgates are now open. *** Related Links
Labels: Alex, HighSchoolSweetheart, love, SwedishLove |
Hi Otto
You have committed the cardinal sin of Complex Equivalence and indulged in the act of imposing your map over what Alex wanted in terms of an Emotional review .
He was so obviously fishing for stable ground and justification for his enjoyment of his current status as bachelor with a tag(YOU) in tow that he all he wants from you occasionally (every couple of weeks judging by the semantics of his letter to you) is reassurance that he can have his cake and eat it.
He does not need reasons why you chose him , do things for him and your fears of losing him ..he just enjoys the soul wrenching pain that comes out of you every time you have fortnightly review .
You know Otto or Ms Love…believe it or not people who actually love each other go out of the way to make each other feel good not the other way round.
Whilst you continue with this Satir game of Leveler to his Placater …things are going to be very painful for you lah
My 2sen worth
Wishing you a Happy and Fruitful Chimese New Year.
Bikerstud
So basically what you are saying is that... he is torturing me by asking me for emotional review every now and then? Or are you saying that I am a terrible horrible vegetable by mentioning the acts of kindness I show towards Alex?
Whether Alex loves me or not, it is I who knows best. Take this as a word of advice. I am the one who ditched all my previous boyfriends (HighSchoolSweetheart aside, but that is a whole long story in itself).
No…Lah ..you are not a horrid veggie but the intent is to derive stable ground from you to fill gaps in his persona. In turn this provides him with his cake that he is able to devour at his leisure.
It is also clear to me that HighSchoolSweetheart also fulfils some form of Gestalt use is Your persona .
I do understand though Otto that sometimes love, bitter-sweet is a cup best served HOT.
I just prefer love in my life liquidly effortless like chamber music on a cool quiet night .
BTW what veggie would you be if you were horrid??
Bikerstud
There is always pain and sacrifice in beauty. Beauty is always about restraint and control. Eg: a girl in a kimono and slippers or any performing arts.
I tend to think that Alex is the more insecure of the two of us. I am insecure too but at least I am smart enough not to mention it too often. But obviously when you have found gold, you are rather afraid to lose it.
Happiness and sadness go hand in hand. You can't have one without the other. The thought pacifies me a lot.
As for the horrible vegetable, there is no worse vegetable than the smelly cabbage. I HATE cabbage! Hate! Hate! Hate! *sticks out tongue in disgust*
Hmmnn...Not fully convinced but nontheless will have to take you at your word..keep safe till i read you again after the CNY Cheers my dear!!!
Trust your instinct sweetie :) Have a prosperous new year and oh happy belated birthday xoxo
im so confused, are u and alex in trouble? whatever it is, i hope alls going well, with or without the man, and have a good 31st year.
happy chinese new year! hope things go well and better! :D
Errr... Most of the time you do seem to know best about your relationships and love. Yet, the fact about you ditching your exes first - a little childish and irrelevant as any advice or comparisons?
erm..i wouldnt have mentioned the exes or reasons for choosing alex
yea.... funny you should mention ditching your exes at all. if there are people out there that didn't ditch their exes (but were ditched instead), does that mean they didn't know best (stupid)....
Juicylicious
Thanks!
Van
A relationship is like any corporate body. You need to meet and communicate with each other, in order to align all your dreams and aspirations. It requires team effort.
I think it's healthy to have reviews every now and then. To throw things out into the open and to talk it out. It's better than bottling everything up and ending up with pent up frustrations.
But obviously this is my personal approach towards relationships.
Suicidal
Better!
Anon
I don't know about you but I learnt most from experiencing life and making mistakes. Perhaps it isn't socially acceptable for one to discuss exes but you have to admit that your past shapes your future.
Kris
What is so wrong about ensuring your partner that you have chosen him for good reasons? Even men deserve to be praised and appreciated.
Lyndsay
Both parties (the one who ditched and the one who was ditched) learn from the experience. Maybe it makes you more determined to love yourself. Maybe it teaches you to give more or to sacrifice less.
There is no stupid, if you have learnt something.
rofl @ your say abt his response.
i agree abt how your past shapes your present moment. tho sometimes it's good to know why someone chose you, sometimes, it's best to not know, because the reasons they want you might not be the reasons you want them to want you.
comparison is not something most people want to get involved with, especially when it's not to their liking. whether they admit it or not.
Bodicea
Obviously Alex wrote a decent reply after I gave him flak for his non-response response.... but that I didn't publish in ANNN.
I don't want to be the top politician because I hate riders who frighten drivers on the roads, just for some doofus politician who can't even make it to his speeches on time. My 2007 resolution is to be a flower pot, a mere decoration on earth. I don't want to be a superwoman.
So it is absolutely a compliment if Alex says he chose me for being pretty. Actually that is his answer, I swear to you. He wasn't checking my integrity nor honesty the first three seconds he met me.
Comparison is natural to mankind. Almost like breathing. It is what makes mankind special - our drive to compete and be better than the neighbours... or better than ourselves.
Not admiting to it is also natural, I guess.