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Friday, November 10, 2006
The Problem With Men

Ok. I sat in Starbucks since lunchtime hoping to finish up some stuff. Failed dot com. Checked YC’s blog, then Malaysian Alien’s and then KinkyFairy’s. So fail. I tried to divert attention and wrote for ANNN instead. Could not write, despite exploring three different topics.

Feeling so stressed out, I picked up my mobile phone. I scrolled down all the way to his name. With one swift motion, I deleted AB’s number from my phone book. Then his office number and another number relating to him.

I think girls should stick to changing their hairstyles whenever they are stressed. I would have done that if not for the fact that my hairstylist butchered my hair last week when all I wanted was a little love and nip at my fringe.

So now that my shopping budget’s burst, my hair’s like a rabbit infestation and I feel like killing myself because words do not seem to flow out of my fingers. There is nothing that money can buy at the moment since I don't have much moolah but here are some creative ways to do medicate myself:

  • Drown myself in my backup bottle of Absolut Vodka during lunchbreak.

  • Dance around naked, worshipping some pagan god in my bedroom. Or maybe for realism sake, around the Jambu tree in my parent’s garden.

  • Get a huge ass tattoo on my lower back. Just because some people like fondling me there.

  • Visit a circus with a rich old man. Preferably Hugh Hefner in a wheel chair and I, complete in nurse outfit and bleached blonde hair and D cup boobs. I wonder who then is the circus freak?

  • Drink lots of water and then wait to see how many hours my bladder can retain the water without passing out.

  • Stuff myself with 3 litres of lousy Walls ice cream. A sure way of losing 5 kilos by tomorrow because the icky ice cream will make me sick.

Oh I know what I need. That doctor I met three weeks ago in Starbucks. His name is Dr. Khoo. I do not find too many Chinese men attractive but Dr. Khoo had a sense of calmness in his eyes that was very appealing. I sat next to him for five hours some weeks ago and then I met him during suppertime with some of his friends. Being the usual person that I am, I never ask for numbers and I never give away numbers. So how now?

I hate the ladder theory, by the way. There is no way of winning, is there? Either you are top of the ladder and you do not like the guy THAT WAY or you are second/third/insert your favourite number on the ladder, thus confirming that you are not the most appealing creature in your friend’s universe. A girl cannot win either way.

A relevant example would be HighSchoolSweet, who beeped to inform me of his new fabulous lifestyles at exotic weekend locations. He mentioned that he was returning to KL at the end of November during our MSN conversation yesterday. He was using the “laughing” tactic to see if I would spend a week staying over at his bachelor pad.

When I said I would meet him in a coffeehouse or something, he asked if I would visit Milan. Milan’s a beautiful place – I’ve heard HighSchoolSweetheart and Francesco said a million times.

“You pay for my ticket and spending money?” I asked HighSchoolSweetheart.

He flashed the smiley emoticon.

Speaking of Italians, I did not write about Francesco because of a weird email he sent me. Basically we spoke on the phone when he was in Athens and the conversation continued when he got back to Milan.

“Please text or call me on my mobile during office hours”

What does that tell you, my dear readers? For me, that’s a clear sign that he does not want me to call him at home.

And why can’t a woman call a man at home?

It is only because there is another woman at home.

So that’s what I wrote to him. “Your last email made me figure that you have a girlfriend or a wife”. And he double confirmed it as "a very beautiful but jealous girlfriend".

I had a question but I did not ask Francesco and it goes something like this ---> If your girlfriend’s beautiful, why are you still calling other girls? There is nothing wrong with calling other girls as friends but clearly you do not consider me as an ordinary friendship, now do you, since you need to hide me and all? I don't figure women to be so hormonally crazy that they cannot accept normal friendships. Then again, the damn ladder theory...

Instead of asking him the question, I responded in the other available fashion, which was non-response response. I did not reply his email. So guess what he did? He wrote me an email later, asking why I hadn’t written to him, to which I replied that I was busy. That was indeed the truth but it was more so that I did not wish to communicate with him, out of respect for his very beautiful but jealous girlfriend. He then threw a hissy “I shall await your email. Please include a photo of yourself when you do get to writing me the email, which is likely to arrive next year or so.”

Fwah. Damn drama. This is so ala Darren & Joanne. For once I am outdone in the camwhoring category. I have decided to post a flattering photo of him, so you boys and girls can grasp an idea of who/what/where/why I am writing about.

Wash your eyes and weep.

Yes, that’s men for you. The ugly ones drive you insane because you don't like them that way and the good looking ones drive you insane too. The bad boys make you cry and the good boys make you yawn. Can't blame the men though because unlike women, they aren't born perfect.

"Paging for Dr. Khoo, please come to The Nude’s office. Your expert service is needed immediately."

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I concur! Men can be such fucktards!

6:26 pm  

What's the "laughing" method?

4:46 am  

Men can also be great Mr. Lover Lover..... =)

All we girls need to do is to choose the right ones.... and you and I know that this is not an easy task!

The "laughing" method employs laughing as a way to mask any secondary feelings. It is our "just in case" step... For example:

"So you want to come spend the weekend with me in the hotel room?" followed by a "HAHAHA".


"Sure, you can come stay with me... but I will tie you to the bed... hahaha"

It can happen in conversations or in sms-es. The "hahaha" or laugh is created to lighten the mood of the question, thus allowing the person who asked a way of "escape" (if the girl doesn't share similar ideas).

I am sure you would have noticed this phenomenone too. Share with me your version of it, Loong?

6:25 am  

Muah I did one recently!

Someone asked me if i would come take care of her coz she's a bit ill.
I replied yes i can but i will keep you in bed all day :)

Although i must concur that the laughing method can be annoying without it stuff can become quite direct... maybe too direct..

Damn this ladder theory. Its bugging me too. Please Otto tell me why do women have 2 ladders. Its Pointless especially since men can jump ladders... making it essentially one ladder again.

1:03 am  

Women have two ladders because men generally do not make the jump. Men try to jump but 9.95 out 10 times, they'll failed miserably and end up in the dark recess called the abyss, remember????

Oh the laughing method works miracles in tough situations.... like you've mentioned, sometimes we do not want to be too direct in our approaches (as much as we want to tie the person to the bed).

11:38 am  

:) would gladly tie someone to a bed very tightly.

Hmm ok fair enough most men don't make the jump and usually fall into an endless abyss.. AAAAAAAAAAH poor us.

Anyways another part of the theory I find interesting is that the author argues that for women 50% (or whatever %) of a man's attraction is based on his wealth. I would love to see that explained by a feminist. (It also signals to some extent how men usually have a more short term perspective, i.e. we will see how it goes, and women in my opinion a long term one, i.e. house garden dog) Something that is in my opinion the biggest problem in most relationships that go bad after 2,3 years

12:45 pm  

Haha, I'm a frequent user of the laughing method. And I think it's beginning to get more and more redundant.

PS: Pardon my comment on your previous post. It's not up to date. *winks*

11:26 pm  

hahaha...who is darren and joanne?

3:07 pm  

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