About Nude Not Naked

It is half past 5 on a Wednesday. I can hear the traffic building up as I type the next few words. For the first time in more than three weeks, I find myself alone in my office. It is a new office, nonetheless. I still need to get rid of the awful fluorescent lights left behind by the previous tenants and perhaps repaint the whole room in a calmer shade of pale white.

Did you know that there are more than 20 shades of white? Ask any interior designer (think Miss YC) and they should tell you that there are more than 20 shades of white. This tells you a thing or two about life. Life is never black and white and if it was black and white, it simply meant that life has more than 20 shades of white. And that does not include the different types of black. Think blue black and green black blah blah blah...

So the conclusion that I can offer at quarter past 5 on a Wednesday is that life is full of colour, even if it was pure monochromic. There are no true certainties, only different shades of the same thing. All of us do the best that we can with what life throws at us. None of us can judge another and tell that person that he had lived his life wrongly.

I find this rather refreshing. Many might be tempted to teach me how to live my life. Actually many do that. They are called meddling church members, who think that they can live my life better. There are others that are nosy friends. Actually I think they are more like the paparazzi, with the exception that they are not paid in worldly money when they talk/stalk/bitch/complain about my life.

“I would be satisfied and happy, if I were you.”

Oh how I have heard that line a thousand times. What people failed to realise is that they cannot be themselves and have my life. I carved my life out of my bare hands, with every little decisions I made for myself and every little lie I tell to my heart. All the dramas and not so dramas are a direct result of my choices. If I had followed their choices, I would have led their lives instead.

“I would have done better, in your position.”

I feel tickled whenever I hear this line. You think you can do better in my position? If I had taken all the steps that you did, I would end up with your life instead of mine. So no, I don’t think you can lead my life better than me because in the first place, you will have to be Otto to live her life and to walk in her super high heels. That includes slaving at the office, pimping myself out to new clients and spending all my dough on buying clothes.

My last credit card bill was RM2800. Moon said that it was modest. I used to think it was modest at RM4000 but those days have long passed me by. These days I am more aware of my spending and I do make an effort to save whenever I can. I last checked my bank balance and it had only 4 digits on it. My only consolation is that I do not have any liabilities but that is not stopping me from rewarding myself with a nice watch on my 31st birthday, which is in February, by the way.

With two staff missing from work today, I ran some errands like a monkey with a bad case of flea infestation. I did not manage my usual breakfast, which makes me a rather foul-mouthed boss on a Wednesday morning, hence my quiet demeanour the whole of today. Which is rather unusual considering the fact that I think my outfit for today is rather pornstar-ish – sloppy man pants, a black fitted at the waist blouse with lace bib and some serious heels.

I had to transfer my existing office telephone line to the new office which is located just a traffic light away. I found out that I could not keep my old number and had to settle for a new swanky one. I was not too please to hear that, especially not when 20 000 copies of leaflets, still hot from the printers, listing the office's old number. However being the smart chick that I am, I had call divert installed into the old number.

Paid up my credit card bill but was not to pleased to discover that half the portion was spent on clothes. Yes, splurged the money to make me feel better. Oh damn. I just recall that I missed my Step class yesterday because I was caught in office until 7 p.m...

Predictably writing for the car magazine ran on smoothly into its third quarter. I like this new editor of mine. I have ample timeline to prepare my articles, which means I researched more and wrote better. Or at least I would like to console myself with thoughts that I did. I wrote a product review on Nintendo DS Lite and then I wrote on lighting. Don’t even ask me why I managed to write an article on lighting or why is a lighting article appearing in a car enthusiast magazine.

Two deaths in the last three days. Let me correct myself. Two deaths and one celebration of life. The dead were elderly, with one being my paternal grandmother. I did not tell my friends about her death, mainly because I did not feel a lost. Why, did I hear you ask? Well let’s just say that this naughty grandmother of mine has successfully kicked my mother into an emotional blackhole that my mother does not seem to be able to crawl out of. Even after thirty five years. The two boys (that would be my younger brothers) and I have so much of emotional junk as a direct result of her mistreatment of my mother. You can safely conclude that I come from a very abnormal family and thus you cannot blame me if I have relationship issues.

The celebration of life comes in a tiny package called Isaac. At long last, my godmother received the desire of her heart; a grandson. Apparently my god brother and wife did not waste two seconds when it came to reproducing. They are doing their share of contributing to the Chinese votes in 2027. I am not ready to do mine and come to think of it, even if I do reproduce like a rabbit, the small ones would be British and not contribute to the Chinese population in Malaysia. I do not want my children to grow up thinking that they are visitors in their birth country.

It’s 7 o’clock. I think it’s time for me to go. I have mumbled enough for a Wednesday.

Traffic on a rainy day.

I have decided what I will do if AB breaks up with his girlfriend and dates another girl.

I will push him into the Gombak River and I know he can't swim...

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