About Nude Not Naked

So here is the story of a girl who loves a boy. It is a simple story, like all fairy tales. The only exception in this modern day version is that the boy does not love the girl. Now the girl knows this. Actually she denies this but deep in her heart, she knows it is true. The boy is a scumbag that does not love her. Neither does he appreciate all the good things she has done for him.

It is a silly story, if you really think about it. The girl likes the boy and she does everything in the world for this boy. She would mop the floor for him, if it makes him happy. She would clean, bake, dress, slim down, grow tits, move to another country, move to another state, anything. She would do anything so he would love her in return.

It would be a fairy tale if he loved her. But oh no, this story has a boy that chooses to love another girl, who treats him like shit. Trust good old Karma to ensure justice prevails. He loves this other girl. He would die for her, if it made her happy but nothing he does will ever please her because she loves another man.

So see, this story is complicated to begin with and if you stick around, you will begin to realise, just like I did, that this story only gets more complicated as you read the following paragraphs.

I have watched this scene play a million times before my eyes. A friend of mine boiled chicken soup for a boy who had taken ill. Obviously she did it because she loved him. The boy, while he did not love her, accepted the gift and slurped the soup happily with another girl. He was not even creative enough to get a girl with a different name. The girls' names were the same but he married one and ditched soup maker. What went wrong?

Now here is a repeat in another fashion. I know of this girl who opened her door to her highschool crush each time he came knocking. He knocked more than just her door, mind you. He sobbed and cried in her lap, then he felt better and then he buggered off until he came into another tough situation, whereby he needed her lap and a little more. This girl put up with his antics because she loved him. Her love must have been great because she knew that he had been using her and yet she remains hopeful that one day, he would love her in return.

You needn’t look too far for the next story because I am sharing mine. My instinct told me that AB would never truly understand me. He would neither love nor appreciate me. Knowing this does not seem to stop me from melting into a little puddle of water each time he called me from his office phone. I once posted a two-page ANNN post, facing up to the facts that he was just not into me (plus listing all the cracks that I know exist). I took it down five seconds later because AB called and arranged to go for a movie next Tuesday. Yes, I am that shameless.

Then there comes a point in the whatever you want to call your connection to the boy, where you begin to question how important you are to each other. You tell him that you are even willing to get a liposuction, if he thought you were fat. Or be the secret lover because he was a married man with two kids. Or read “Idiots Guide To Tantric Sex” so you could perform some bedroom gymnastics to satisfy his needs. Or lose your sense of fashion because he liked you dressed in a certain way (be it slutty or aunty).

You did the inevitable. You told him that you loved him and you expect to hear those magic words. After all, he has drank your soup. He let you have his apartment keys so you could clean after his trail of socks and boxer shorts. You might even be the privileged bunny, who has nightly rights into his bed. You sleep in his arms for the past 6 months and he even has mindblowing sex with you when you nuzzle closer.

And now you are sitting in the corner, smoking the broken cigarette you found on your bedroom floor. You quit smoking some months ago but the occasion seemed absolutely appropriate. You crawl on the floor in search of the other end of the stub. You are a mental mess. You calculate your moves again. You cannot comprehend how he had accepted everything you had offered but now is unwilling to commit himself to those three words. By every logical reason, he should do the right thing, which is to confess that he loves you too. After all, you and his mom are now coffee buddies.

You get agitated. Fucking tension, you think to yourself as you ransack through your collection of clothes. This is not fucking happening. You go on teleconferencing with five of your closest friends. You analyse the situation again. The conclusion remains. He loves you. He has to. He showed all the right signs and reciprocated your advances.

So you drive half hour to his place, call him on the phone, tell him that you are waiting downstairs and you need to talk. He tells you that his beer buddies are around and asks you to go home. You scream like a mad person and soon he rushes down. Your tears fall and you are a crying mess. You asked him why, why doesn’t he love you at all?

He whispers something into your head, then he walks away. You drive back and you learn your lesson. You hop into bed and call your best girlfriend again. You recount every single moment leading up to that point when he walked down with his slippers and Hawaiian shorts he bought from Chiang Mai.

“Did he say that?” your girlfriend says on the phone, “What was his reason again?”

“Because no cat will say ‘no’ to fish.”



***
I think I shall name this post just that – Because No Cat Will Say “No” To Fish. It is almost universal. No cat will ever say ‘no’ to fish. No man will turn down a free dinner, a free soup and especially not a free fuck. Being the best that you are and giving your all to a man does not guarantee you the man, his loyalty or love. He might just turn out to be the pussy of the century.

I know that I am a silly little fish. I tend to equate love to doing things for the person. And when the person does something in return, I quickly reason that it is his way of reciprocating my love for him when in actual fact; to him, I might have been just a free fish.

So next time, next time I promise to remember. I will not throw myself onto dry land, not even for the best cat in town. Not even if the cat sports a pair of Pumas, slouchy trousers and a tongue piercing. Choose wisely to avoid the heartbreak. Be a smart fish.

Love myself a little more and if the cat wants to come, he has to drown in my aquarium instead.