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Malaysian Alien


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Wednesday, April 04, 2007
And So I Found Out

I had an interesting conversation with the Bachelor over the weekend. It started quite by chance when I mentioned that I received an extended offer from HighSchoolSweetheart to stay at his place in Milan, should I want to visit Italy again. It is merely a statement, without much intent on my part to visit Milan anytime soon but that one statement presented me with a shocking ‘You stay in Milan with him and it’s officially a break-up’ from Alex.

‘Why do you want to stay at HighSchoolSweetheart’s place?’ the Bachelor asked.

‘What do you mean WHY?!’ I asked, surprised that it actually needed any explanation. It just does not.


Can you imagine how much I am able to save just by sleeping on someone’s sofa for a week in Europe? Let’s count. It will be a minimum of £50 per night times 7 nights in a week. That would make it £350 or an equivalent of RM2345 (exchange rate of RM6.7 per pound sterling). That is almost the airfare to another country.

The worst form of sarcasm is patronising ones. In this particular conversation it came in the form of ‘I don’t know about Asian men but I can say confidently on behalf of all European men that it is not okay to stay in your ex’s apartment.’ He then added that it did not matter who the man was, be it an ex or a friend or a future partner or whatever. Just as long as it is a man, you do not stay there without your partner.

And you would think that blood ties mattered but apparently it does not when it comes to bunking up in a friend’s place on a holiday destination. It does not matter if the man is his brother or father or cousin. You just do not stay there without him (that would be your partner).

You are, however, free to stay at your brother’s place or your father’s. Or any of your female friend’s. Just not another man’s.

I was tempted to ask if it made a difference if the girl was a lesbian but I thought that was pushing the Bachelor’s buttons a little too much. So much so for staying for free and saving RM2345...


Personally I do not see what a big hoohaa this is. What is important is how much you trust this friend of yours because I am not talking about staying at your newly befriended internet penpal’s apartment in Manila. I am talking about a good friend whom you trust and share a proper friendship with.

How many of you did like I did - you visit a city every now and then and stayed at your friend’s house. Of course it used to be one of those kampung houses with running chickens and ducks in the front garden. Or for example, once when I stayed in a durian estate with a friend of a friend. That was quite cool, hearing durians dropping at midnight and rushing to pick it up and share it with friends.

Everything becomes a tad more complicated when you grow up. Suddenly it is no longer proper or acceptable to stay at your friend’s place.

‘A man will never tell you that it is okay to stay over at another man’s place. There are only two reasons why a man might say it’s okay.’

I listened intently. The conversation was getting really interesting. Show me a woman who will not seize the opportunity to learn a little more about man’s logic.

‘One, he doesn’t mean what he said. In essence, he lied and he actually minds that you are staying over at another man’s place,’ he said. ‘Two, he doesn’t love or care about you.’

Sounds absolutely logical, doesn’t it? I tried to imagine what I might feel if my man said that he wanted to visit another city and would be staying over at a girl’s place. Would I feel angry or jealous? Or would I just shrug my shoulders?

I actually do not have an answer.


‘You tell the Bachelor it has nothing to do with love or care!’ said PY confidently. It was the next day when I had a conversation with PY regarding the same topic. She was pointing her fingers at me, shaking them every few seconds, like my highschool science teacher.

Is it okay to stay at the home of a friend of the opposite sex during a holiday visit?

PY thought of a reason that did not cross my mind when I spoke to the Bachelor. I was surprised that I had not thought of the reason myself and was quite pleased that PY did. According to PY, it has nothing to do with love or care at all. It is all about possession and man’s ego.

‘He might not love you or care for you anymore. But as long as he isn’t going to kick you out of his house in the next few days, he will feel very possessive,’ PY said. She rolled her chair a few inches to the front and then to the back. ‘It’s a man’s ego. He might not want you anymore but sure hell, he is not going to let you go to another man’s place.’

Things got a little more complicated after speaking to the two different sexes. Man and woman have very different perception of the whole scenario. A woman sees that treating a friend’s (opposite sex, nonetheless) place as a hotel during a holiday is acceptable but not for men. A woman might not do it because she knows that it is not acceptable to her partner but if you really asked any woman, it is likely that she sees no wrong in it. That is, if it is purely a place where you go back, wash up, keep your belongings and sleep.


‘Does it matter if the guy is gay? Or if the girl’s a lesbian?’ I asked on day three. The Bachelor was running out of patience. ‘I am merely curious and I am exploring this area,’ I added, then pouting for hopefully some positive response from him. I have a responsibility towards my readers, you know.

He presented me with a whole long list of questions. Questions that I do not have answers to and questions that I now present to you. It was his way of shutting me up, I guess.

Why can’t you bring your partner along for the holiday? Did you invite him for the holiday or are you going to stay in a foreign city in the house of another man? Why can’t you stay in a hotel? Will you be upset if your partner tells you that he/she is going to visit a friend in another city and you aren’t invited? Will you be jealous? Or do you not care at all?

‘It is just not right.’ That was his conclusion. One should not stay with a friend of the opposite sex, even if it was for a simple (and quite innocent) thing such as a holiday. ‘Why can’t you bring your partner along?’

‘That’s because it is weird for them to meet?’ I asked. That sentence was like an illuminating moment for him. ‘Well H-E-L-L-O-?!’ said the Bachelor, ‘Don’t you think it is weird if you stayed there alone with the other guy?’

I still do not think it is weird but then again, I am weird.


Is man being selfish? Has it anything to do with love or care? Or for territory and possession? Is it man’s ego talking or is there some sense to what the Bachelor said? Is it a no-no to stay over at a friend of the opposite sex’s?

Does it matter if the man is a friend or a past lover? Or if the man involved has a relationship with your current partner (think family member or best buds)?

Will you visit a city and stay over at a friend’s? Or will you find the RM2345 for the hotel bill?

I have no intention of staying at HighSchoolSweetheart’s bachelor pad in Milan. I never had and I do not think I ever will. ‘Exes are exes for a reason,’ I have said that many times. I merely shrug the idea off, like sliding a piece of steak off a Teflon coated pan.

"So much so for staying for free and saving RM2345..."
~ Otto, on the topic of staying over at the ex's



before i know this current boyf. i went on a trip to thailand with a my best friend who's a gay, and later when this current guy found out, he wasnt happy ..yeah, HELLO? what's wrong

12:33 pm  

Keep telling you girls...The fact that you girls dont even give it a second thought when you are sleeping over another guys house clearly show that we guys are just plain insecure!!!

We just cannot imagine our lover being with/near ANYONE else..fullstop.

This is basically because we think with our D*ck and feel threatened when another D*ck ,especially a familar one is within a 100 metres of our women.

Truth is we are really sad...

7:39 am  

well if the qns is posed to me on whether i am ok with my bf staying over at a girl's hse on a vacation, i will only allow it if i really know and trust the girl (which is like so rare). altho' i might feel i little uneasy but its something i can live with. oh ex-es r a definite no-no.

i guess why guys aint ok with tis issue is prob becos they probaby find it hard to resist girls who throw themselves at guys, n they tot it's the same for girls. whereas we girls know that we wun bed just anyone unless its someone we love, or we r dead drunk or some hot bod hunk?? haa..

3:45 pm  

I just don't buy the idea of a lady putting a few nights at her ex bf's place. Maybe I'm out of modern times.

2:52 am  

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