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Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Getting Burnt In The Deepest Sea

Men can be the simplest creatures to understand, if you really understand them. And on most days, I understand men better than women.

By the account of my last post on BestGuyFriend’s wedding party, I am sure that you have noticed that:

  • We had lots to drink since Nikki’s friends arrived from Leeds.

  • The girls were out shopping for shoes and accessories like there was no tomorrow.

  • We had seven days of hang over before the actual wedding party on Saturday, which resulted on a collective and massive hang over on Sunday.

  • There were lots of sparks flying everywhere and we aren’t talking of just BestGuyFriend and Nikki’s.

  • Days and nights like these make me feel like that I could live forever.

There were seven of us bridesmaid that night. While Nikki’s friends squeezed themselves on the first table, eight people sat comfortably on the second table on the stage by the pool. The two spare chairs were used to store the excess beer, vodka and wine bottles.

I was feeling quite comfortable with Ain on my left, the two spare chairs with the bottles of alcohol buffering between us, and PY on my right. Sitting opposite of me that night was SL and his partner for the night, HL.

SL served as one of the four best men and last minute video cameraman when BestGuyFriend did not manage to hire someone to record the memorable day. A blonde lady, HL, whom we all knew from previous weekend outings together, accompanied SL that night.

When Nikki, Sarah and I did the table arrangement, we agreed that Ain would sit next to SL (because she has a baby crush on the 38 year old SL) and E would sit next to HL (because E has great social skills to make anyone feel comfortable). Translated into reality meant intermittent conversation with the blonde Scandinavian with awkward pauses between as she held private conversations with SL in Finnish.

“Can you speak Mandarin, Ain?” PY’s husband asked.

“All of us will speak in English tonight,” PY gently reminded her husband. Perhaps it was a subtle reminder to the blonde to speak only in English as we all came from various cultural and language backgrounds. But the blonde went on in Finnish.

This Finnish couple drew some attention because of a tricky situation. HL considered SL as her boyfriend of some sort; maybe not a full-fledge boyfriend but a lover nonetheless. SL however denies all relations to HL and refers to her as his “work colleague”. Knowing this creates a strange situation at the table, one, which the rest of us girls pretend, does not exist.

There was a point somewhere between the sea cucumber and fish dishes that the girls all adjourned to the ladies. Politely we invited HL to join us as we stood up and placed our napkins on our respective chairs. As we turned around and walked, all of us saw her leaning over to give SL a peck on his lips.

I am not sure what your office culture is but mine does not involve kissing a male colleague on the lips whenever I want to go to the toilet to steal 10 minutes of solitude.

To her credit, HL was lovely when we waited in line. We managed to strike a conversation on wedding traditions in Asia and in Finland. A shoal of busy koi fish was swimming between pots of water plants in a pond in front of us. The sound of trickling water was soothing and formed a sharp contrast from the “yum seng” cheers going around from table to table by the heated swimming pool about 50 meters from us.

As the night moved on, so did the bottles and glasses of every spirit. Sarah and I shared half a bottle of Smirnoff by 1 a.m. The boyfriend and husband were talking. SL politely invited every girl at the table to dance. Ain left us to join the bride and groom as they did their rounds. And when the dinner finally ended and the proper dance started, all the girls descended to the dance floor like fireflies to the fire.

There was Sarah with her smacking bottom dance. Nicky (the chief bridesmaid, not to be confused with the bride Nikki) was dancing from corner to corner of the dance floor to Cindy Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”. PY, E and I were busy dancing around each other as we whispered all the stupid things we did when we were in highschool, when these songs were at the top of the charts.

Seeing SL was dancing at the edge of us girls, all by himself, PY pointed me towards him. I obliged, turned around to face SL and danced with him when suddenly HL walked up to him. I sensed that it was time for me to turn and join my girlfriends, which I swiftly did. We were sufficiently aware that she was not happy and she was making sure her unhappiness was understood on the dance floor in front of more than 150 guests.

The bridesmaids and PY moved away from the couple, to give them some privacy and perhaps to give SL some space. After some minutes of hearing HL speak of her unhappiness/uneasiness, they both walked back to the table, where they remained for five more songs or so. It was obvious despite all language barriers that they had a confrontation of some sort and it does not take a genius to realise that the reason was partly due to SL dancing with so many girls that night (and not dance with HL at all).

“You are back,” E’s boyfriend said, then raising a glass to toast SL.

PY, E, Ain and I were sat at the table, resting and fuelling up for the next retro high school song to play when SL walked back to join us. This time he was alone, with HL nowhere in sight.

“Where did you go?”

“I had an argument, so I had to get away to clear my head,” came the polite reply.

“With whom?” PY’s husband asked.

“Oh you shouldn’t ask such questions...” E’s boyfriend said, then raising a toast for everyone at the table. We drank merrily, thus avoided a rather embarrassing moment.

For ages his phone rang. He answered his mobile initially but after some attempts, he passed the Nokia and his keys to me. Three seconds later, he was pushed into the pool. Talk about timing, I thought to myself when the phone rang again.

“It’s your phone ringing, SL,” I said as he swam towards me.

“Oh don’t worry. It is just my work colleague...” came the usual reply.

I sat in my car at 8 a.m. with Ain asleep in the next seat. Twelve hours since the party started the night before. There I sat all on my own and thinking what had happened. Was she in love? Was she delusional? Was HL stupid to claim SL as her boyfriend when it was so obvious that he was not interested in her? At least not in the way that she had wanted him to be.

Was SL being a scum? Was he cruel? Did he lie to her? Was he a wretched soul for calling her “just my work colleague”?

Yeah, obviously I am not naïve to believe that they were just friends. Like Nikki and the rest of the girls, I frankly believe that they were shagging, which does not affect me in any way other than the fact that I write about relationship and men and this phenomenon of being workmates struck me as interesting.

As I drove home in my pink dress now creased with lines when I slept on the sofa after 8 glasses of vodka and 1 glass of whiskey neat, I think I realised the answer.

The girl was stupid and the man was just being unrepentantly a man.

What makes a man loves a woman, I have not a clue. But I do know that you can never cause him to love you. It is simply a choice he made for himself, for whatever reason he holds in his head. Unlike a woman who can be moved to love a man by a show of bravery, courage and sincerity, a man seems able to remain calm and composed, despite whatever acts of love a woman can make for him.

That is to say, men are not as emotional as women and thus, are not influenced to love or hate a woman based on any acts of love, kindness, gentleness or understanding.

Technically speaking, a woman can move mountains and swim in deepest oceans to prove her love for a man and he will never love her, if he had not loved her in the beginning. This includes sex, which many women associate as acts of ultimate love. A man is capable of having sex with you and yet not love you at all. You will end up as nothing more than his pleasure doll.

Perhaps that is why we only hear how men prove their love by different acts such as swimming in the deepest ocean and walking on hot coals but we never hear the same for women. This is because women can be influenced in her choice for a lover and she might consider a man (she previously had no interest in) when he proves his worth by acts of sincerity and love. Men on the other hand, may not be so easily touched by tokens of love and kindness.

So girls, save your feet from being burnt. You deserve so much better. Just remember, he is just not so into you. Not the end of the world, in my opinion. This is what girlfriends are for. Put on your dancing shoes, wear that killer dress and strut your bootie.

You are not so into him after all.

The girl was stupid and the man was just being unrepentantly a man.

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Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

7:06 am  

*throws confetti*

8:44 am  

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