The reason for my absence from blogging in the past week is the most boring and mundane - I had taken ill. Just at the moment when I thought I would have a doctor free year, I relented and went to the doctor’s yesterday morning at 9 a.m. I never enjoyed medicating myself as I much preferred to rough it out whenever Mr. Flu pays me a visit. Under perfectly normal circumstances, I would just crawl into my nest and rest my body till I am well again. But sadly (or not so sadly, if you really think about it) I cannot afford the “crawl into my next and rest” because the yearend is considered the peak period for my industry.
This simply means I have met between three to five new clients each day and have slaved myself until I am sick. Plus I am currently understaffed with one staff pregnant and another quit in early November. At this current rate, I can’t wait for January to arrive because November and December are months from hell.
The doctor packed me some strange looking pills and listed them as “vitamins”. This is because according to my family doctor, I am GOING to fall ill. Meaning I am not ill yet but I am going to be soon. Which is really just great seeing that I feel like my body’s failing on me at the moment. I dare not think what SICK is actually like.
So I sit at my workdesk at 11 p.m. thinking if my pills are really helping me to physically cope with the aches and fever/hot flush rush or are they merely medicating my head?
I am working on overdrive. It is like driving in the first gear for the past month. I can’t seem to relax and I am always feeling tensed. BestGuyFriend was remarking how I sounded so angry when I talked to him on the phone. I had to apologize. It isn’t the usual me. This is the stressed to the max me.
After a very intense November with one staff quitting, leaving me totally in a lurch during a very busy month, I took this evening off. I succumbed into swallowing one tablet of paracetamol before catching Casino Royale with BestGuyFriend’s mother, daughter and Ain. I was lusting after Daniel Craig from the moment I watched the trailer. Somehow he made the perfect James Bond – rough, rugged and unpolished. The man who will drag you to bed, tie you to the bed post and make you say naughty things.
A-N-Y-W-A-Y…
Yes, boys and girls, go catch Casino Royale. I have never been a fan of the James Bond series but now I am convert if Daniel Craig does his magic tricks. In my opinion, he has revived the whole series. He adds a new dimension to the whole “shaken, not stirred” façade, which when repeated more than 20 times, can be a little tiring and overused. Here stands a Bond that is a little rough on the edges but soft on the inside. And if my memory serves me right, Daniel Craig ran the most out of all the Bonds. And for once, women are not discarded like soiled tissue.
Okay, so maybe I like my men manly, cocky and a tad arrogant. Perhaps it is because I possess a tiny measure of cheekiness, confidence and arrogance within myself and I seek for men who could keep me captivated with their words.
Daniel Craig can tie me to his bedpost any time of the day.
***
Alex remarked how I never watch any of the movies with actresses that he wants me to resemble.
The nerve.
***
On a totally different note, I realised that I am not missing the thing that I thought I would miss as much as I thought I would. I thought my world would shatter if I did not possess the thing but apparently life moved on just as swiftly as it did before the incident happened.
It makes me wonder what love is. Many said that love is a powerful emotion. Many of us did crazy things in the name of love. I have done my fair share of stupid things. Some went as far as to die for love while others destroyed in the name of love. So why do I feel that this love just past me by?
I thought that I would be greatly affected and indeed I was, maybe for three days, during which I wrote the previous post entitled “Finally”. But from then on, I was too busy with work and too sickly to bother or to dwell on the matter. I need to survive each day so I can get to work and when I managed to get to work, to then actually work. And that’s all I have been doing.
So as much as I had loved someone and thought about him a lot, as much as I have written many chapters in Nude Not Naked based on my experience with his character and as much as I had longed for him, it occurs to me that I have moved on. I was in love with love and I have just realised that I do actually love Alex the most (despite all the little, tiny distractions along the way like Daniel Craig etc).
And that is good news for everyone.
****
I shall be leaving for London on the 18th December to spend my first Christmas and New Year away from Malaysia. I will plod along in the snowy fields with Alex in Scotland wearing my single pelt artic fox Russian fur hat and then to Morocco for a warmer holiday.
***
How does it feel to be with Alex? It feels comfortable, almost like second skin. It is like looking in the mirror and seeing a reflection of myself, with the exception he is a little more hairy.
Other men might feel exciting to my senses but at the end of the day, it is comforting to be with Alex. Alex understands me deeply and knows what I am inside. He shares similar thoughts and aspirations. We enjoy similar activities and share similar tastes in most things. I am still the opinionated and quick wit girl that I am and he is still his horny self but together, we fit like a pair of warm leather gloves.
It would be a pleasure to grow old with Alex.
***
Diversions
Here are some photos that I had promised. Taken from Cousin KT's wedding.
Cousin KT and her handsome groom, Chris.
Yes, Sean Connery is a relative of mine.
The huge Scottish clan standing in front of the York Minster.
***
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funny. ive been through different relationships and still can't recognize what love is.
or maybe i'm just in denial.
stay strong.
glad to see things have lightened up for you! yippee!! :D