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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Below is a snippet of the sms conversation MiniBoyFriend R and I had this morning while I put on my clothes and prepared for work at 8 a.m.

MiniBoyFriend R: Sorry. Slept last night. Wazzup? You alright?

Otto: I am not okay. I want to cry so I can release some thing but I can't find the tears.

MiniBoyFriend R: Sorry that I couldn't be there for you last night. But it's okay you know, if we sometimes do not get the things in life that we want so badly.

Right that very second, tears welled up at the corners of my eyes. It was 8 a.m. and Ain was sitting at my workdesk, watching the MMU boy's youtube. I felt terrible pangs of pain numbing my heart as I tried to hold back those secret tears. I do not want anyone to see me cry.

Do you know what is pain? Pain is when you have to smile with a bleeding heart. Pain is when you have to hide your tears and not let anyone know that you are weak. Pain is when you fight yourself to keep a secret that is so secret that only three people on earth knows. Pain is when you create alternate stories to tell your friends because you do not want them to know where you really were. Pain is when you know the truth but you run away from it because you loved a lie.

Pain is the most painful when you have lost all tears and all that you are left with is a wounded heart and a broken spirit.

Have you ever watched tiny snowflakes dance through the skies?

They are so delicate and fragile. Each by itself melts to touch but if it ever snowed for three days and three nights, you will find yourself caught in the middle of a crippling snow storm.

Sadness is like a million tiny snowflakes falling down on you in an hour of the day. And all it cripples is your soul.

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that description of pain is so honest and true.

2:20 pm  

Don't cry Otto... *hugs.

Feel better soon.

3:05 am  

i can relate the banyak. cheer up! *hugs you like a teddy bear*

4:39 pm  


7:02 pm  

Time will eventually heal everything, don't you worry and stay in pain for too long, you hear.

1:48 am  

Hi! It's nice to meet another Otto. I'm Steve Otto. I wrote a book, Memoirs of a drugged-up, Sex-Crazed Yippie. It's fiction and about the 1970s. It has things about nudity in it also. I like your blogs.

4:36 am  

there, there...


2:08 pm  

Hey babes...

I hope you feel better now... *hugs*

1:32 am  

*hug* (like everybody else)....

Take care...

4:00 pm  

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