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Malaysian Alien


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Sunday, July 02, 2006
Mid Life Crisis #3

My four articles for the car magazine are finally published. I did my homework and discovered, much to my delight, that the magazine is read by more than 53, 000 car enthusiasts in Malaysia. A very good reason for me to celebrate!

My best article was of a concept car unveiled at the Japanese Motorshow and it was, according to Good Editor, the best page in terms of content and layout. It was just my luck, I guess, as the car was a marriage between car ingenuity and fashion design with me being good with fashion (and car, by means of research).

I should scan the articles as soon as the magazine arrives through my letterbox. I am collecting references and samples of writing, after all. I will be more than happy to forward these articles to any editors who might be kind enough to offer me an opportunity to write freelance.

Good Editor has, in the pass few days, asked me to return to Malaysia to set up a company with him. He has secured some new writing contracts and he had wanted to collaborate with me. Basically he wants to include me into the equation and make me his partner. I do not see how I am going home any sooner than September 26th, unless I have confirmed work here in the UK this autumn. But I am very excited about how things are moving along for the magazine and between the Good Editor and I.

I cannot say the same for the blog though. If I wrote more than I did last week, I would have written articles entitled, “Here’s One More Reason Why I Hate Him” or “Top Five Reasons Why My Blog Is Not Acing It”. Somehow when it comes to this blog, I feel it is not good enough. It is just not. The more I read my statscounter, the more depress I feel.

So as you see, the last few weeks have been spent reflecting on my life. I honestly think that I am going through mid life crisis again. Yes, you read it right. I am having a mid life crisis and this is my third. Mid life crisis #1 happened about 4 years after I working and I medicated that by pursuing a Master degree from Deakin University and sitting in the bathtub with HighSchoolSweetheart.

Years later, it happened again. Men are known to buy shiny sporty cars when they experience mid life crisis. I did no such thing! Retail therapy does miracles when you are sad but it was utterly absurd to think a little red car or a shiny new toupee will solve a mid life crisis.

Mid Life Crisis #2 meant breaking up with Alan, moving in with Swedish Love and travelling. A LOT. I started another business and then it morphed into something else. And then there was the dark ages, when I was just drowning in vodka, dancing and dreaming of AB. Since then, I have sold the business and closed another last year. Friends who were anything but true have disappointed me and I learnt to be apprehensive of smiles and wary of people who were exceptionately kind. I still feel the same.

Now is the official Mid Life Crisis #3. As you know, I have uprooted myself from Malaysia, on my annual migration to London for summer. However unlike all previous years, this year I came here with a work visa. Obviously I want to work but I catch myself questioning my inner self, “What am I going to do?”

My professional life has been spent working in my own business. During my mid life crisises, I dabbled with one beauty contest (because my mother said I would not survive it) and opened a furniture boutique specialising in Burmese antique and furniture. One of the reasons why I started writing was to discover if I could do anything other than what I am currently doing. That and my vanity for stamping my name in this world.

And the more I try to run away from my professional career, the more I realise that it is set into my life like bones. I excel in what I do. I know I do. It has moulded me to be the person that I am today and it sets me apart from everyone else. It has left its mark on me and I am beginning to realise that this is such a huge part of my life, so much so that I am afraid of losing it.

Unlike most people, I own my business. Many people hold the opinion that owning your business is good. Some of these people are the down beaten employees, who are fed up with their 9 to 5 job. Or like Boss Stewie, some are ambitious souls. I fall under this second category. However what many do not realise is that a business owner cannot quit her job on a whim. So I am torn. I want a change in my professional scenery and yet, I realised that my business made me who I am today.

Personally I do not wish to join the mad rush into London every morning, even though I am living in one of the closer commuter towns and cities. I would much prefer if I could work somewhere that requires no more than 45 minutes of driving. And guess what? There are two vacancies in two companies less than 20 minutes drive away. There is also a business for sale, which I could acquire and just work in my own business again. All are less than 45 minutes drive away.

I stare at myself on most days. I do not dare to reflect and dream. I do not want to think about the “what if-s” and the “what not-s”. I do not know what I should do and I do not know how I am going. All I know is that I have to go and hopefully it takes me to somewhere more beautiful, both emotionally and physically.

Small Talk
With a readership of more than 53, 000 in Malaysia alone, I am sure that soon my identity will be known. I would appreciate if you would not mention my name or business here, if you already know who I am. Thank you.



Many people might ___ that this is good.

1:03 am  

You are only what ... 26, and you've already had 3 mid-life crisis'? Btw how do you pluralise that? ;)

But you've definitely done and achieved a lot.

You are right about being a business owner - you can't just quit on a whim and neither can you really take a break from it because you would be constantly thinking about it.

Life is a flux. At least you know what you are good at and I believe you have the will to make the right choice. So good luck with it. :)

1:50 am  

Take care, Otto. :) And congratulations on being published in a magazine with such huge readership!

3:07 am  

mooiness: Plural of crisis would be crises.

Otto: How do you travel there on a work permit? I thought work permits were applied for by prospective employers for their employees. Or at least that's what they tell me when I enquired.

7:23 am many paths in front of you for you to choose.... Just let the force guide you...or something... I am sure eventually you'll get through it... hehe....


7:56 am  

Ah! Thank you once again! I really appreciate you pointing out some blanks out there. Cheers!

Shy lah, Mr. Marcus... I am 30 this year. I take a lot of breaks, more than usual as a business owner. But you are right. I take my laptop with me wherever I go and work on it whenever I could.

I know what I am good at after finding out what I was NOT GOOD AT.... hahahahha....

Thank you, Alynna.

I actually found out last week that you should try and find an employer to "hire" you... and if you can find one, you can then apply for a national number (like EPF or tax number).

There does not seem to be strict check on whether you have a work permit or not, which is ironic.

What I believe to be important when you plan to come to the UK are:
1. Show that you have good command of the English language.
2. Show proof that you will be a good citizen and that you will contribute something to the community.
3. Show proof of income and list whatever assets you have in your possession.
4. Obviously it helps if your profession is much sought after here in the UK, such as medical, construction and teaching.

May the force be with me ar?

9:19 am  

Why are you depressed when looking at your stat counter? Is it going down or up...

2:09 pm  

yeah....hahahaha...may the force be with you.....

i am NOT a star wars fan...i don't know why i wrote that at that moment... :P

3:55 pm  

im wondering if it actually does matter as to how many people read your articles? is it actually to comfort yourself that there is actually people who know about your existant on the net or is there more than that? sorry if i come across as rude- am just wondering. ignore me if you want to.

it will eventually come to you on which path to take. it just takes some time. anyhow, be proud of yourself on what you have achieved. not many people have experienced as much as you did by your age. meanwhile, persevere =D

4:25 pm  

It is neither going up nor down... =)

I am not a Star Wars fan too. I enjoy the original three and find that the newer ones a little too "fancy".

The reason why I feel depressed about the stats is because it reflects how appealing my writing is. At the rate it is going, it appears that not too many people are interested in what I write at the moment.... and if I were to seriously consider a career in writing, then the statistics is important to me.

4:56 pm  

otto... bill gates once said that when you're young... you explore everything and try to find something you're good in... when you've found that something.. you will make money.

you know what u're good in now.. so don't doubt yourself or think of anything else... continue down the path you've trotted on for many years already and don't look back..

7:33 am  

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