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Thursday, December 08, 2005
From Otto With Love

Forgive me for this entry if it appears to be a little haphazard.

I have caught fever and it is running so high, my head is dizzy in the heat of everything. You see, my god-bro is getting married this weekend in Pan Pac Glen Marie and his wedding fever has rubbed on me. This entry is one of the few entries when I come across as a total airhead, really truly Daphne style.

The Bowl, The Chopsticks, The Spoon and Me
More than ten years ago, a church lady took a liking for me. She liked me so much; she kept inviting my parents for dinner at her place. “Oh yes, bring Otto along,” she used to say. This bespectacled lady was truly fond of me and through specific hints during her conversations with my parents, it was generally accepted within the church circles that she wanted to make me her daughter-in-law. The only one catch was, I just finished high school then.

Mother suggested that she take me as a god-daughter, seeing that she liked me so. She gave me a piece of jewellery and a set of eating utensils (bowl, chopsticks and spoon) to symbolize that I am welcomed in her house and her dinner table anytime. And thus, she officially became my god-ma. I stopped calling her “aunty” and started calling her “kaima” (which is god-ma in Cantonese).

There are many things that I should thank god-ma for. For one, I know that she loves me more than I love her. Knowing this makes me feel guilty and it makes me want to be better - I promise to spend more time with her, to visit her more often, talk to her more, blah blah blah more.

On my social calendar, this weekend is marked with a big, bright red marker pen because it is my god-bro’s wedding. God-ma said it was HUGE dinner and dance thingy, so I had to get myself a cocktail dress. All girls love playing dress up and here I have an excuse to dress up. Yay! Oh I love the dress that I had tailored *smiles* A black tube dress with white piping and a white ribbon running on the right side of the dress. So Audrey Hepburn.

Alas I do not have a partner to dance with. Will some tall, slim, handsome man with facial hair please come and dance with me? Pretty please??

Will also spend this weekend getting pissed with girlfriends. I begged E “Please, please, please, please take me along. PLEASE!” this weekend because I want to get absolutely sloshed this weekend and in need of a driver. This weekend 48 hour party orgy turned out to be the most perplexing weekend planning I have ever organized because...

... according to our party tradition, we check into a hotel. Don’t even ask me why we bother but we do. Usually Concorde but it’s fully booked this weekend! Damn it. Glen Marie would have been convenient for the wedding reception but totally hazardous to return to after a night out. I ended up spending hours texting and contacting Renaissance, Maya, Concorde, Hilton and Glen Marie to book a room for us, girls.

Needless to say, my phone’s totally out of battery at the moment, my ears are hot and my fingers' numb. Damn it.

Madness on Saturday
I need to run to XYZ to fill up an application form and schedule a visit to a cattery to visit my new Maine Coon kitten, which I named Winter Maximus. It is meant to be a gift from the breeder friend of mine (since my little Pebbles died).

Side note: Did you notice a Maine Coon in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire?

PY scheduled an appointment at 12 noon on the same day and we are supposed to share a car.... O_o

And somewhere along the day, we need to squeeze in a shopping trip and a night of drinking (after a night of heavy drinking). Did I mention that the wedding service starts at 5:00 p.m.?

Further thoughts...
I really do not think that I should be visiting XYZ aka my future employers after a night of crawling around town. Might need to restrategize this weekend again.


You think the above was bad? Wait till you hear this next part. It only gets W-O-R-S-E-!

As I was planning for my god bro's wedding, my high school sweetheart was planning a trip back home to attend his sister's wedding.

Side note: I have always wanted to visit his hometown. We grew up together, this ex-bf and I and in our time together, we spent many hours talking about a land that I have never seen and a life I have never lived.

Consequently I spent countless hours trying to convince him to fly on 11th October instead, so I could join him after my god-bro's wedding do. He wanted to spend more time with his family and so flew home three days ago WITHOUT ME.

(Reflecting on the whole thing, I feel relieved that he flew without me. Imagine spending another RM550 on plane tickets and 5 hours in flight, then being immersed in a totally diffirent culture for ten days?)

Ex-bf went home and discovered that his parents asked of me – “Why isn’t Otto here?” Shocked would be too simple a word to describe him at that moment. You see, we broke up more than seven years ago and he never imagined his parents asking about me seven years on. His parents hassled him to invite me again and he hassling me to go since his parents invited. And I feel torn inside because I really do want to go visit the land below the wind but I can't since I have arranged for everything (hence above).

Probably this whole episode brought up a lot of memories of unfulfilled dreams. Compounded by the fact that his sister was due to marry on the 12th, I guess he was thinking about a lot of stuff, which was then poured on to me. This becomes an issue that I need to deal delicately because we are on very good terms and I know that he is one of those people who will be a constant in my life.

“Come only if you wish. Not accountable for what might happen. Don’t come if you don’t love me. It will be torture.”

Ever heard of the saying “if you love the bird, you release it because if it loves you, it will come back”?

I am that bird that was released because he loved me. And I have flown back. Not only have I flown back, I have discovered that I am here to stay. And I will never leave.

To Alex.

Because I love you.

These few weeks have been tough. As I announce that I am taking my relationship with him a little deeper, it appears to me that the world is conspiring against Alex. The more I feel committed to him, the more the world is trying to yank me away (with what I imagine to be a huge scrapper).

Ex-bf. AB. D. M.

And so in these few weeks, I discover that the world is selfish. For love. For lust. For romance. For pleasure. For passion. For sincerity and insincerity. For the pass and the coming future. For themselves.

I’ve learnt to be selfish. For Alex.

And you’ve been wondering…
By now, I am sure you, my dear readers, would beam in a chorus of “No wonder you’ve not written much in Nude, Not Naked.”

Indeed it is no wonder. My life is one huge puddle of water on a rainy day. I have been a good girl though *hint to Santa* as I have spent time plotting the next chapter.

Do expect the next instalment to be out by Monday the 12th. That is, if I survived the weekend to write the ending. HAHA!

I hope you guys understand what I have been meaning to say today. It’s a whole load of gibber.

Cheers folks. Enjoy the weekend and I hope to catch you guys on Monday.

From Otto, with love.



Well.. this is life!
If u love a bird,
let it fly.
If it comes back to u,
it is urs,
if it don't,
it never was!

God Bless u!

3:35 am  

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