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Monday, November 28, 2005
Makes You Change

If everything you think you know,
Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change?
Would you change?

~ an excerpt of Change, Tracy Chapman

Last Friday turned out to be one of the most depressing days I ever had! It was my ‘stock keeping’ day; a day when I count all that I have – material things, friendships, relationships with my family members, work related stuff and more recently, it now includes the progress of Nude, Not Naked.

You know you are in trouble when you feel pathetically sad when you had too many clothes to store in the cupboards, more g-strings to put many lingerie shops to shame, enough books in collection to warrant another book shelf. It feels shitty when you feel lonely when you have 6 different Alex-s, 4 Eric-s, 3 Jenny-s and 2 David-s in your phone book. When you feel that you can’t tell them what is making you feel sad. When you stand on a busy road and everything moves at great speed but you are still stationary.

And the thought of self-mutilation is new – something that I have never experienced thus far. The thought was real though as in my mind, I have cut myself several times during the course of the day. Just to ease the pain – real and then magnified in my mind – with a wish to free myself from this earthly body.

Speaking of freeing myself from this earthly body – I do not take any mind altering substance. Yes, I know I am a bore, now shhhh! AB volunteered to take me on my virgin space trip but I am yet to take up the offer. I am a rather curious creature but till today have never been curious about any form of alternate universe.


Probably on a night out drinking, I see more than enough swirls of colors with my eyes close and therefore never felt a need to do so.

But heck, last Friday I needed more than just some medicinal backyard herbs. The feelings were so strong that I would have dug a hole and buried myself, if it could make the pain go away.

The last thing you should do when you feel like burying yourself in your thick duvet is, to bury yourself in your thick duvet. I asked PY to accompany me for dinner. I had been working the whole bloody day, arriving home at half 6 in the evening, getting dressed and ready by half 7. So it was a mad rush to get myself all prim and proper for the dinner in a secret Northern Indian restaurant.

I have never been a comfort food eater. Rarely snack between meals with main meals starting heavy during breakfast and lighter as the day goes by. But I swear that 1 Saag Paneer dish (yummy cheese and spinach mix), 1 Baked Brinjal dish, 1 plate of Fish Masala, 1 piece of tandoori chicken, 1 plate of Briyani Rice and 1 basket of Plain Naan later, both PY and I felt all warm and glowing. I even managed to giggle and smile.

If you remember my entry Public Property dated 23rd November, you’ll recall my asking on how best to deal with a situation where photos are taken without your permission (by a total stranger). The 4th episode happened at the restaurant when a guy at the next table took his camera phone out and proceeded to take a few photos of me. Now this time, I am 110% sure he was taking a photo of me. He sat facing away from me, so there was no reason why his phone was facing me. Plus he checked the photo each time it was taken.

My solution came about quite by chance. I stared into the camera. Hard. It was the “I know what you are doing, you blardy inconsiderate fishball!” stare. He stopped when he realized that I wasn’t posing with my two fingers “So damn cool” look (a skill that was perfected by Malaysian Alien over Thanksgiving.) I stared straight, unblinking into the camera. When he saw the photos, I think Camera Guy got the hinted.

So there, the perfect solution to politely stop unwanted photos of you taken is to impolitely stare at the person until he freaks out.




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