About Nude Not Naked

So here is the summary of what I have done since arriving home at midnight on Wednesday.

Thurs
Struggled to wake up at 8 a.m. to have the most delicious fishball breakfast that I have had in the past 4 months. There is nothing in Malaysia that I miss more than breakfast at my usual breakfast spot. I enjoy the fact that the place is swarming with people because it means loads of people watching session. I do not even mind going there alone.

Thankfully I arrived on the day that I did and went to work on the day that I did because Thursday happened to be the last time a long time client of mine visit me in the office. She came to say her goodbyes. She was choking on her words and tears were swelling up in her eyes. Watching her tears made me want to cry, so I rushed to her side and gave her a good hug and a pat.

“Oh don’t cry, Barbara,”

“It is just so sad. I really liked it here. I love my house. I love my life and I love working with you,” Barbara replied.

Thursday was also the first full night I had in Malaysia. Had to fight the demons, who were calling me out for a drink.. I was still struggling with my imaginary jet lag, sleeping at approximately 2 a.m.


Fri
Finally managed to catch up with PY, who had a new haircut. Oh yeah, speaking of haircuts, I had mine snipped on Thursday after meeting Barbara in the office. It looks like ten mice, three rats and a hedgehog or two gnawed at my hair. It is so repulsive that all the boys on the table had the “WTF?” look when I arrived.

So okay, I went out on Friday night. Actually I was asleep at 9 p.m. on Friday but was summoned by Nikki and BestGuyFriend at 10 p.m. Took one hour to sieve through my 13 kgs of luggage to find something decent to wear. I ran straight for Mary when I saw her. She was sat next to Nikki. Exchanged hugs and kisses and we dove straight into conversations.

“Mary told me that you were her Sunday School bus mate,” Nikki said, then laughing.

“Oh yes we were. Back then, Mary was actually innocent with two pony tails,” I said, turning my head to look at the 29 year old Mary. She was so gorgeous, with her beautiful oriental eyes and glowing skin. Sporting a green top that displayed her flow of tattoos from her back to her left arm, she did not look a day older than 22. How she does it never cease to amaze me. We were exchanging news and we talked about my rat ass hair when a pair of fingers snapped in front of me.

“Oi, you don’t know me, is it?”

It was MiniBoyFriend R. He looked absolutely adorable with his bald new look. Apparently I was not the only one with the gnawed by a rat infestation look. There was Mary with her patch of one-inch hair growing only at her crown (like a new disciple of the Hare Krishna faith) and R, with a totally shaved head. I told him that he looked good with the new haircut. I could see he was quite chuffed about it.

He came to me after some moments and we exchanged words. It felt strangely different this time around but then again, it always feels different from I return to Malaysia. Somehow being far away from everyone and everything in Malaysia puts everything into perspective.

You know, like when you are able to see the whole picture once you are 10,000 kms away. You might have seen everything in a blur when you were hurried, waking up to work and sleeping so you can wake up to work. But when you are 10, 000 kms away, you begin to realise that there is so much more to life than all the mini dramas you have in your life. I think I always return to Malaysia, changed each time. I vow to do some things and then again, I vowed to break some others.

“Why aren’t you telling me things?”

“There is nothing to tell,” I replied. “I am happy.” I pursed a smile from the corner of my lips.

My tagline from last year’s return was, “I am busy”. There were just some people that I had decided to keep a distance from and that was my standard reply to them. Going out with us, Otto? Oh no, I am a little busy. Why didn’t you reply my call? Sorry, sorry, I am busy. Come on, don’t be a spoilt sport. Perhaps another night, everyone. I need to get some sleep. Busy like a bee tomorrow.

This year it happens to be “I am happy,” which I like better. Maybe I have been mourning too long and it is time to allow myself to be happy for a change. It is not always the external factors that cause you to be sad. Sometimes, just sometimes, there are internal emotional turmoil that you are experiencing, which prohibits you from actually enjoying life and smiling.

I believe that sometimes we are the ones who are sabotaging our own lives, so we can continually live in our little emotional dramas. Sometimes our minds are so preoccupied with the smaller dramas that we do not see the larger picture. Like how an astronaut would feel when he sees the Earth from the Moon. The Earth is beautiful and calm from far away but decidedly hectic and tempest when you are near it. Sometimes we need to mend our hearts before we can begin to feel alive again.

And I am happy now. Maybe my journey to somewhere far has taught me to see things from a different angle – not to concentrate on the small issues surrounding me here but to appreciate things from a further away perspective. Which is really helpful because it is only then that you see right from wrong and to discern bad from good.

Each time I come home, my phonebook becomes decidedly slimmer and that I take as a clean step towards a happier me. Sometimes we have to clean our emotional cupboard and our phonebook. Get rid of people who poison my life and be happy with those who brought a little sunshine into it.


Sat & Sun
Spent the afternoon buying up some stuff that I needed, since I left all my toiletries in my blue bathroom in Kent. Was out with Mary, MiniBF R, Nikki, BestGuyFriend when I was introduced to this girl named Moon.

“So why is your name Moon?” I asked. I thought that made quite a clever conversation.

“Because my eyes are as large as the Moon’s,” she said, then laughing. Her eyes were as round as the Moon’s. With eyes like that, no wonder she never needed any make-up. The bunch of us chatted a while and then we went to Lola. Too bad D was not around. He was away in some wedding party.

Slept through Sunday, getting up only for an evening walk with my dad. I was telling him about London’s fashion conscious and that it was nothing like KL. It was my subtle excuse for spending RM500 in a boutique since arriving home.

”Was I ever a handsome devil?” I asked. I was speaking about the reaction I received since announcing that I am determined to cut down my nights out.

“Once a devil, always a devil,” came the reply.

Sweet. Well it's now Monday morning and I am late for my breakfast with PY. I declare the this devil is going to take the next few nights off, curling herself in bed, tricking her brain into believing it is sleepy, sleeping at a decent hour and allowing herself to be happy.