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Saturday, September 09, 2006
Love Is Blind

What do you feel when you read the remark above? Do you feel disgusted? Do you pity the woman for her disillusion of what life can offer? Do you think that she is materialistic, greedy for luxuries in life to the extent that she is willing to exchange her husband’s faithfulness for the Prada, the Lexus and the penthouse facing the Petronas Twin Tower? Do you think that she does not have a spine? Do you wonder how flimsy relationships are these days? Do you think about morale and principles? What are your first impressions?

That remark was taken from Kenny Sia’s latest post about modern day relationships. Obviously the whole thing garnered more than 200 comments with varied reactions. Many men defended themselves and a few testified to being loyal to their partners after XYZ years. Then there was the “girl power” thing – that women ought to take a stand and kick the crap out of the house etc etc.

What I am about to offer you here is some statistics that would illustrate the whole “close one eye” incident. What do you know? Maths in secondary school is now used to demystify whether successful men are more inclined to be disloyal to their partners compared to less successful men.

It all boils down to chances and possibilities. Think about it this way. Each moment you spend away from your partner represents an opportunity to befriend a new person and a chance to fall in love/lust with another person. How many people do we meet in the course of a working day? How many colleagues do we have? How many clients do we entertain?

If you are not attracted to Susanna, there is Dinah, Patricia and cute Jachinta with huge tits. Tits are not your thing? Then how about Amanda with the tight, juicy ass? Oh you go for brains, is it? There is Siew Ping from the Accounts department knocking your socks off with her spreadsheet skills. There is Siti Aishah with the tudung for the kinky ones out there. You know you were always curious about the tudung girl. Then there was this one time with the client that looked like Paula Malai Ali…

The list goes on and on, with the various combinations. I am sure you get what I mean. It is just a matter of time before you meet someone who would attract three seconds of your time. How many people must you meet before you meet that ONE PERSON that makes you smile? That one special girl that made your heart skip a beat?

For very obvious reasons, a jet setting senior consultant in an international firm or a business man with various business connections would have more opportunities to meet the various combinations of girls, as compared to say, a man who manages a small stationary shop in Jerantut or your neighborhood gardener. Come to think of it, even your neighborhood gardener might service up to 200 families and THAT’S quite a lot of combination too.

Human nature, greed or Nature’s way of ensuring your young (children) will survive in the best conditions possible. Call it whatever you want but you cannot deny the fact that women in general are attracted to men who are stable (be it emotionally, financially or a combination of both). Again this is a game of chance. So logically speaking, the more stable a man is, the higher a woman’s chance of maintaining herself and her young. While it is true that some melancholic souls are attracted to depressed/destructive men, the general rule of thumb would be women are attracted to men whom they view are “successful”.

The difference between a jet setting senior consultant in JP Morgan and the office boy in charge of paper clips in the basement is ---> senior consultant has a higher chance of meeting more combination of women while office boy is stuck fiddling with the pens and A4 size paper. A politician running a campaign might shake up to a thousand hands in a day while a sailor is stuck in a submarine, surfacing on land, perhaps once every few months. A rock star like Mick Jagger serenade up to 25,000 screaming fans, so his chance of meeting a nubile nymph is much higher than your accountant, who has a higher chance of meeting a willing partner than say, your fishmonger. Actually even the fishmonger has lots of opportunities to meet house wives, out shopping for the freshest fish in the market.

Does this mean that a less successful man is less likely to stray? The answer is no. He has a chance to stray, just like his more successful brother. It lies in the question of how many "wrong" women must he meet before he meets the one that catches his eye. Famous actors, celebrated musicians, millionaires and billionaires attend more parties, shake more hands and have more girls interested in them than the uncle selling biscuits on a trishaw. That’s all.

If the first girl does not do the trick, there is the second, the third, the hundredth, the thousandth. How special do you think you are? You think you are special because you have this and that combination? There are thousands out there who are like you or better/prettier/smarter/younger/sweeter/more charming than you. How many times does your partner need to say “NO” before he says “YES”? Now that’s the question of the hour, my darling readers. At the end of the day, even the most loyal/loving/faithful/sweet/naïve man would eventually meet that one combination that would take his breathe away. Whether he books a "business trip" with that new lady friend or stay home with wife and kids lie solely on how much pleasure he derives from family life.

I think most women who married successful men understand this basic concept. They are not “closing one eye”. They merely understood the game of chance and probability. And even if they started out as naive 19 year olds, all loved up with Prince Charming, they will grow wise by the time they turn 25. Kinda remind you of Princess Diana now, doesn't it? Even the most beautiful/powerful/rich/famous/successful women in the world are not excluded from this.

(Obviously what I said above works both ways. Women are getting more and more mobile, working away from home, with equal chance and possibility of meeting the combination of men.)

Now back to the lady who made the above statement...
Let's rethink the whole issue again. Do you see it in a different light?

Do you think the woman does not love her man? Do you think she is greedy for money to the extent of exchanging her husband's loyalty for material gain? Have you considered the fact that maybe she accepted this as part of the package? That when she said she loved him, she loved the EVERYTHING about him including his straying ways. Some men are drunks and others are bad tempered. Maybe to her, her husband’s weakness happened to be a wandering eye.

I shall end this post with the Profumo Affair as an illustration.

A beautiful and successful British actress, Valerie Hobson, made the remark above. Like ex-First Lady Clinton, she was publicly disgraced when her husband, Jack Profumo, a renowned politician in the 60s was found guilty of soliciting the friendship of a 19-year-old showgirl, Christine Keeler. You can decide for yourself if Mrs. Profumo loved her husband for his money or did she accept all that he was, including his incorrigible flirting ways when she first fell in love with him.

People say, “Love is blind”. It isn’t blind for nothing.

This is a huge topic to cover. I have kept the above short and sweet but as you and I know, there are more points to explore. So do come back in a day or so (let's make it Monday 4:00 p.m. UK time) to read some other thoughts on this funny thing called LOVE and relationship.... including the reason why my mother encourages me to fish for a successful man and forget about the Average Joe.

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I guess true love comes in when you really hurt about your partner's faults,yet-you're ready to forgive him at anytime because you love your loved one in a wholesome way. I've yet to learn about this issue (bah-I'm still young;)), but I do know one thing-love knows no faults of the past.

I've shared and I'll share this experience of mine again-I've got a few married men making passes on me and I am amazed how their wives could put up with their flirting ways-but when I read your post,I understood why.

Well, at my age, I think it's of no necessity for me to look for Mr. Right (like you said, I'll be meeting helloads of guys out there)-so I'm just gonna take love easy till the right one comes in =p

*looks up*
whoa.long commment -.-"

4:44 am a new reader.and i have to say i really like what u have written so far.

8:11 am  

bahaha, gold otto, pure gold!!! now i understand why im actually staying in this crappy course in this crappy uni to hopefully get some kinda 'successful' job.

ohh and when u translate crap it means 'prestigious' - really; prestigious my ass!!!

while the mofos at curtin uni get 2 weeks off i have to study for a mid sem on my week off

bastards!!! - note to malaysian readers, do not go to UWA save money and go on holiday at Curtin Uni

dw tho ... i do believe in kenny's theory ... 'get out all the flirting out of my system'

1:52 pm  

When it comes to men, I think they generally are 'fishing'... they try and see your reaction. Some girls react in pure disgust, then these married men walk away with their tails between their legs.

Some girls actually respond positively towards the married men's advances (for whatever reason) and the married men get free lunch... although all of us know there is no such thing as a free lunch.....

Anon 8:11 AM
Thank you :) I hope you would enjoy this ride.

There is this sexist remark going about and I really hate it whenever I hear it ---> Men don't have to look for women. They just need to concentrate on their careers and earn loads of cash. The women will come looking for them.

I take it as an insult for the whole female gender but there is some truth to it (as much as I want to deny it).

I subscribe to the "get it all out of my system" theory too... where do you think I get all my stories from?

*cheeky grin*

This world is no longer just the realm of men... women, when financially independent, demand the same and behave the same like men.

1:58 pm  

oh well.I guess my reaction to it made them think that they'll get "free lunch".omfg, I think the reason some girls responded was because they felt that it's nice to be touched the way them guys do it to them?

but really-what's success if your attitude as a man's shit? I hope I won't be attracted to an unfaithful bastard in the near future.

2:28 pm  

does this mean you're okay with the whole infedility thing?

7:23 pm  

You brought up a very interesting point - that some girls respond because they have never felt that way before, be it physically or emotionally. At the end of the day, each of us girls need to know (and if we don't already know, we will soon learn) that no one can give us happiness, but ourselves.

Anon 7:23 PM
No one in their sane state of mind would say, "I don't mind if my partner cheats on me". Even the lady friend who spoke to Kenny, I am sure she didn't quite mean that she didn't mind her husband cheating. She minds but she can see ABOVE that.

In a fairytale world, you love someone and that someone would love you back. In reality, love requires lots of working and commitment. It doesn't just happen, like the Big Bang. And sometimes love is not enough.

So your question of whether I am okay with infidelity, the answer is "NO".

Will I forgive my partner is he cheated on me? Chances are, yes. Why? Because I love him and love is not only about myself and my ego... there is family, children, future commitments, promises to each other etc.

When I was a teenager, I was just like everyone else, "No way! Cheat on me and out he goes through the door!". Now that I am a little older, I can see the world and relationship in more than just a very selfish ME ME ME.

Believe me or not but there are many relationships who survived through cheating partners etc. It is how much you love the person and how much that person feels sorry/regret afterwads. A relationship, no matter how much love is involve is bound for up and down. It is how you survive the down side that determines how much committment and love you have.

Read about Profumo and perhaps you would understand.

7:37 pm  

i think the same way as you do regarding the matter, but no longer say it out loud. like the comments kenny got for his post, the responses i've gotten in general for stating my point of view is mostly negative, from indignant male friends, outraged girlfriends, and a boyfriend who has taken into his head that such a mindset is a serious sign of my complete disregard for the sanctity of matrimony.

i have many male friends who love their wives, yet these same loving husbands have been involved in at least one instance of infidelity. i must admit, physical attraction can be quite a force to be reckoned with - the flesh is weak, after all, and for those men who regularly work away from home, loneliness and need for company just makes it all the more tempting to cheat with that willing sweet young thing. opportunities, opportunities.

you've just stated it beautifully, but my Mr Insecure still wouldn't comprehend should i direct him to this post - he'll just take it that i'm trying to tell him that MY opportunities to cheat are numerous - and spark off yet another heated argument.

he doesn't know that despite the chance to do so are plentiful, he's the first man i've made love with, and hence do not feel the desire to fuck anyone else because that feeling cannot be emulated with any other guy.

i should know. we've both cheated on each other. we're both still working hard to regain broken trust. the only reason for either of us staying on in this relationship is love. but the road to recovery is a long and arduous one.

11:15 pm  

M. Scott Peck, the author of The Road Less Travelled quoted, "... real love often occurs in a context in which the feeling of love is lacking, when we act lovingly despite the fact that we don't feel loving."

It doesn't necessairily mean that the cheated has to be seen in a ridiculed light when he or she decides to hold on to the the shaking vessel. Dignity and integrity has more than an absolute definition and depends on how much the beholder takes it.

I guess the more we see, hear and experience, the more we realise that right and wrong are of lesser and lesser significance. But we are expected of making a better choice thereafter.

I have witnessed several real-life examples of infidelity and those who made up and got back together had stronger resistance towards the temptation of the flesh. It can either be seen as a history both wish to bury, or a mere test for stronger bonding. Trust issues depends on each other's cynical tendencies.

2:11 am  

well, it's true-because girls at my age (or older) would love such sexual attention which only people who had sex before ( that's what i think-and most of my besties think too) could give. yeah, LOL i know it sounds dumb.

but it's really addictive,though-I must say (on the touches, I mean- I experienced this before so I know albeit the disgust I felt, I wanted more, coz the way he touches me seems so right.

well, it'll take sometime for these girls to come to their senses.I know I did, anyway ;)

8:34 am  

I had rehashed this same conversation over and over again, and have known many friends who put up with this infidelity (either being the poor cheated-upon partner or the 'third party')

I've noted that the women who closes one eye for the Lexus and pradas are those who, if left to their own devices, unable to earn enough for the said prada. And to start using Protons would be way more embarrasing than putting up with the everlasting roving eye.

Those who are high flyers themselves are more likely to kick the roving husband's ass out as soon as possible.Unless you are Hilary Clinton.

At the end of the day,they subscribe to the theory that as long as he comes back to them at the end of the day, it's ok.Well, it might happen the first 10 times,but what happens if at the 11th affair he just packs up and leaves?

9:36 am  

Hi I have commented on Kenny Sia but ill just put my 2 cents worth in here:

The biggest problem with Asian women is that they have a huge huge problem up their asses! They mostly not all mind you ate so damn darn superficial.

Always following the Tv trends always COMPEATING with others don’t matter how good a person you are inside or how the struggle is but what matters most is MATERIAL ! shame on you for following mags and TV ! no back bone ! Notice talk amongst girls nowadays , new bag, sale, boys boys boys , new perfume is being released.. what happened to good solid discussions ! EMPTY yes you and those posers who try and talk engrrrrrish with an accent ! hmhhhhh
and a white guy even tho he is not as caring or loving or feeds you soul is ALWAYS better then an asian guy who looks rather average but loves u to bits WHY ! POSERS TROPHY ! You are more proud to shout out to the world of this existence rather then if u dated the latter....

There is this trend going on in Spore where the big high flying spore women are becoming sugar mummies to these whites who live off them so they can have a trophy ! On the other hand whites know that asian women will be there to cook , clean , its ok if its no equal shit which no white women would stand for !

But where is this brining us to.... right so if all you shallow girls want is a trophy and your husband/bf/partner can make use of your maid services just so that u can enjoy his cash and status, white ness and be missarable inside then i have nothing much to say to your type of women except i dont even have the time to pity you empty brains..... but strangely the women like the above is on the rise.

And these whites are really aware of how in demand they are and how asian women are good and obedient all they want is white ness and money …. And status… so there u go ! you girls created a huge ass problem for your selves… How sad..

So in this case…. When the statement above has been made ….’’if a woman wants to marry a successful husband, live a good life and be happy, then she should learn how to close one eye to her husband's extra-marital affairs’’ this obviously means that the women knows what’s she getting her self into obviously not for love its just to SHOW OFF !!! look at me my husband is CEO, DATUK etc rather then the PERSON . So is she also allowed an affair ??? Since its for convenience …..

Pls tell your friend to do the above we will see after a few yrs if she can live with her self… abt the Japs I am aware on how the women are treated just glad am not born a Jap women . Asian women having degree’s masters n stuff doesn’t compensate for the intellectualism u have which is basically empty if call you want in life is to marry successful man SHAME on you for not wanting to be SUCCESSFUL YOUR SELF !

1:04 pm  

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