Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Give The Man A Reason
Straying is fast becoming an epidemic in our modern society. Communication with the working world exposes both partners to many different people each day and statistically it is just a matter of time before you will eventually meet someone that would catch your eye and make your heart beat fast. It will creep into your heart like a silent killer and before you know it, you are scheduling lunches with your charismatic workmate. A friend of PY’s left his wife and two kids for a younger woman, a colleague from his office. The affair was going on right under the wife’s nose through the nine months she carried her baby to full term. The wife became hysterical and acted like a crazy lunatic. She begged the woman to leave her husband. She brought her baby to the younger woman’s mother and begged the older lady to restrain her daughter. She called everyone on her husband’s phone list and cried. It is a pitiful case, especially when the husband was hardly there through the pregnancy and subsequent care of the newborn third child. It sounds cruel but let’s be realistic here. What does the husband see when he encounters his wife? This is what he sees - a much older woman, with pregnancy fats, a torn vagina, who drives around Malaysia, chasing and begging for him to return home. In the man’s eyes, it was super logical to run away with the younger woman! The wife worked and earned 3 times her husband’s salary. So obviously she was not after the financial security. What was the wife looking for? Perhaps she was looking for some emotional support through the pregnancy and birth of her third child. Perhaps she wants her husband because she loves him. No matter how hard she had tried, she could not get her husband back. Her methods were futile. In her shoes, the first thing I would do is to throw the man out of the house. Next I would strengthen my financial situation and improve my career prospects. I will head to the gym straight away and overhaul my image. Simple things like a good haircut and wearing proper bras and panties improve your body image tremendously. Give the man a reason to cry and regret. Oh heck, you might as well make it ten reasons for him to cry and regret! Give him reasons to crawl back to you and when he crawls, you make him run like a dog. Of course it would be emotionally painful and obviously there will a lot of tears involved. I am not asking you to play games with the man but if a man takes you for granted, you will have to put yourself in a better position and make him beg to be let back into your fabulous life. You will have to do something that will command the man's attention and respect. And you are not going to get that by asking him to come back home to throw out dirty diapers or watch your saggy bottom walk around the bedroom in your Bridget Jones underpants. You are not going to win his heart by reminding him that he has tonnes of responsibilities with you or that he is already old. He will just go out and show you how desirable he is as a stud, even if he is a 45 year old stud. You are not going to win him by begging or crying or pleading. Do you want to be with a man who cries on the phone each time you speak to him? I guess not. The only way he is going to sleep in your bed is by being the best that you can be and having a good life ON YOUR OWN. Have some dignity and do not accept shit attitude from him. Do not forgive him easily. Tell him that he is not accepted in your family until he behaves himself. He will respect you when you exit gracefully, with the kids. Tell the younger woman that you do not want a man who leaves his wife when she is pregnant. Tell her that she can have the rejected goods instead. Wish her good luck with him. You will stand a higher chance of winning him back by getting on with your life. Own a pretty house. Take over the family home, if you could. Love your kids and teach them well. Develop your personal set of opinions and purposes in life. Let your personality and intellect shine. And of course, take care of your physical self. Now doing all these things might win him back. It might also be too late for him to return. Either way, you will have nothing much to lose. You keep your children with you. You get on with your life. You might not have the man but you most certainly will have the money, the car, the house and hopefully some truly supportive friends and family members. And if your man do not respect you nor cherish you, then blow him. He's not worth a second of your day. THE MILLON DOLLAR QUESTION Daughters are sent away to study, receiving the same privilege as sons in most families these days. The end result is a generation of girls going away to study and work. These girls delayed relationships and marital responsibilities, in order to pursue their education. Eventually they embark on their career choices and enjoy financial freedom never found in previous generations of women. Chances are, you would have bought your own car by the time you are in your late 20s. You would have a house to your name and furnished it with pretty things. You would have travelled to a few countries, either with friends or on your own. As your biological clock ticks on, you are left to think why do you need a man. I famously asked my parents what is the use of a man when they started to apply mild form of pressure for me to "settle down with a nice gentleman". "You will get old and eventually you will need to start a family," came the not so original reply. I laughed and told them that sperm banks are available. Or MiniBoyFriends. You can imagine my answer was not satisfactory to my parents. So readers, what is the use of a man? What is the use of a man, especially if he is a prick to begin with? *** Related Post
Labels: life, love, relationship |
What use is a man who is a prick? No use. ;)
And completely agree with your analysis about what the wife should have done. But I'd even go so far as to say why even try to win him back by making him regret it? He ain't worth it.
Mooiness
Because hell has no fury like a woman scorned.
Wow... very very well said. Gosh, I love you already...
Now doing all these things might win him back.
She might also think, hey, i dont need him anymore!
***
I will now go sit at the corner of the room and think of my purpose.
Maybe I would have side-tracked, but I wonder what repercussions will return in the children being brought up in a single parent family. Although having a dysfunctional family consisting of quarreling and unloving parents makes no difference, yet I find the children being the most innocent party in this mishap.
I am feeling more appreciative now...
Otto, my love for your blog's not wasted afterall. Well written!
Come back soon and take me to Porkland!
xx
Otto, that was one of the BEST pieces I've ever read on how one should value oneself. Very eloquently written and something my junk filled mind cannot express in words.
yeah.. hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
now how about a post on 'give the woman a reason"? hehehe...
LoveBlaze
Well I can play cupid and set you up with Mr. Ooi =) he is returning to Msia for a short holiday at year end.
Kuzco
I would be one of those who would not want him back =) but love does strange things to people.
Ian
In my honest opinion, it is indeed better for partners to separate if they proof to be toxic to each other. There is no use of "staying back for the kids" especially if your children witness how you suffer abuse from your partner. That causes more trauma in the long run.
YC
Thank you. We'll go when I get back, okie?
Jo
Women are more empowered these days because of our financial independance. Thank goodness for that! It gives us leverage when we are in unhealthy relationships and helps us cope better when it's time to move on.
Anon
I shall write one as soon as I have some inspiration =)
I agree on the woman's story. Pity is not a good bases to restart a relationship. You have to live your own life and move on. Be self confident and show them what you are made of. It does not only hold for woman i would say. Men are left alone as well nowadays.
But for the what use is a man question? Come on!! how dare you. hehehe. (defending myself here). No but seriously, lets flip the question around. You hear that statement more often what use is a man! Men are assholes etc etc. Well then, you women lot! What use is a woman???? They nag they whine, they are never satisfied. You can't possibly claim men really really need woman to make children. Just like there is a sperm bank for woman there is invitro fertalisation for men. Donate your sperm let some scientist put it into a woman's womb, let her give birth and go get the baby back. True its not as widely available as a sperm bank but it can be arranged.
In conclusion, what do we end up with is this: Men dont need women, women dont need men. No one needs anyone, but still people engage in relationships. So why do women need men and the other way around. Its simple.
L.O.V.E.
P.s. why anyone would keep a partner who is a jerk or a bitch (repectively) i dont understand either. For some reason though some women seem to lke jerks and some men seem to like bitchy women. So so puzzling!!! aaaaaaaaaah my head!
She is earning 3 times more than the husband. Which means she can survive without him. But sometimes in a relationship, money is not a matter. We still love the man we used to love. It is very much up to individual perspective. If I were in the women shoe, I think I will cry my heart out!
Well written, Otto.
I'd like to comment that perhaps the reason she did not want give up her infidel husband was because of the loss of "face" that might result. Despite the more contemporary views in society there are still many out there who do not view separation or divorce as an option.
To be seen as a single parent (especially in Malaysia) is tough and perhaps she may not have been strong enough to cope with that labelling. As would many in her situation.
But if the woman acted like she is completely independent and powerful as her salary is 3times her husband's..the man will feel small and controled and all he needed is to leave.. yes..i mean to leave to be with the girl whom he could be a real gentleman... not the one who hide himself underneath woman's skirts...
and poor thing is.. deep down inside the woman bleeds even more.. for acting against her feelings and had her plan all wired up..
The make-him-regret plan sounds cool but in reality, a woman without skills or experience wouldn't know where to start from..they would either over-act and make things worst or just cut themself up with a knife