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Thursday, April 06, 2006
Of Grand Dame, Equilibrium and Moles

Super Milo
Milo likes to think that he is macho, so he chases after some birds and the occasional lizard. For like 5 minutes a day. That's his definition of exercise.

Unlike Pebbles, he does not bring home his catch. I think he eats them. In his free time, he watches TV with the family, prefering Discovery Channel, snacks on the same kibbles since he was little, sleeps and dreams. Milo twitches his ears and whiskers when he dreams. That's how I know that cats have REM sleep too!

Can you see the letter "M" on his forehead? That's Super Milo for you =)

The Grand Dame of Shopping
“I spent an article worth of money on shopping,” I said to Good Editor. He was sitting in Starbucks when I shoved my bags from Esprit in his face. “See? This is the dress which I wanted to wear to the launching two Sundays ago in Mont Kiara.”

“You got to be kidding. You buy a dress just for the occasion?” he lamented.

“Hey I am not called the Grand Dame of Shopping for nothing, ok? Have to live up to my namesake.”

I am telling you, men do not understand the female urge. The urge to buy and look pretty and cute and adorable and fluffy like a Playboy bunny. Boutiques are named after me, ok? If the likes of me do not shop, the whole Malaysian economy will sink into depression. We are THAT important to the economy.

I can get a high buying a piece of soap, ok. Just as long as I exchange money for some goods, I am all good.

I suffered from writer’s block three days ago. Good Editor tried to bribe me with a raspberry doughnut when we were sat in our local Starbucks. He, then tried to bribe me with a piece of delicious looking chocolate cake. I gave him my “Mercedes” look (arched right eye brow and lowered left eye) and shook my head. No amount of sweet goodies was going to cure my mental block.

“I am allergic to writing this article,” I told him.

“What about another drink? Some caffeine to boost your energy,” Good Editor suggested.

“Nope. Trust me, I just need to shop,” I replied, “shop, buy something and I will be able to write again.”

The “WTF” look was written all over his face.

It is all very logical, as logical as Newton’s theory of relativity. I was trying to achieve equilibrium. I earned some money through the writing and so I had to spend some in order to continue earning through writing. “Kira macam balance back lah,” I said to him.

And immediately after completing my third article at 4:00 p.m. yesterday, I booked a shopping session with two girlfriends and had a blast. Feeling the fabrics as I walked along the rails of clothes, smelling espresso vapor in the air, looking at people walk around aimlessly in the shopping maze, listening to the conversations going on between us girls in the changing room, tasting the sweetness of Blackcurrant juice: these were the most magical sensations.

A dress and a black sequin blouse later, I am on the right track and back to writing again.

Writing Articles: The Story So Far
I like writing the articles for a car magazine. They provide me with instant gratification, both publication and monetary wise. I would have had to wait for another year before Nude, Not Naked is printed but here with the short articles, I am going to see my words in print next month. Obviously I am not getting paid for writing in About Nude Not Naked, so any pocket money from the articles is much appreciated.

I received some emails from readers who asked how I managed to solicit the work since I proclaimed that I had no experience with cars. “You did favors for the editor right?” some asked, with that subtle nudge-nudge-wink-wink hint that I must had paraded around in red stilettos for the job.

I will have you know that if I had to parade anywhere only in red stilettos, it would be for Chris Martin. Who the heck is Chris Martin? He is the singer crooning melancholic tunes for Coldplay and the one I fantasize during those should not be mentioned here moments.

Here is the secret, guys and dolls. How did Otto get the job? Otto got the job because she reads a lot. When she is not shopping and bettering the Malaysian economy, she reads. She does not watch TV. She does not crochet or belly dance. She does not brisk walk or chat on MSN. She reads. She reads good books. She researches for each article, often spending two days reading up articles pertaining to the said topic and another day writing and perfecting the article before it reaches Good Editor’s desk.

The dictionary is my best friend at the moment and as I write the articles, I pick up the necessary glossary that goes with it. And that is how I got the job. I work hard to proof that I am worthy of the offers.

But you can continue to believe that I walked around in red stilettos for my job. It can be a cool urban legend, twisted to suit Otto’s style.

Oh by the way, I do own a pair of red stilettos. Not kidding.

Read with interest Laksa’s post on facial moles. I related the post to Good Editor, asking him if he has any facial moles. Good Editor mentioned that he had one on his forehead and another on his unmentionables.

“Then you shouldn’t mention,” I said, closing my ears and eyes while shaking my head, “why is it that you guys keep telling me things that I seriously do not want to know?”

Good Editor mumbled some reply. He made a remark about my ‘luxury’ mole; a mole on my upper lip, on the left. “Just like Madonna’s and Marilyn Monroe’s.”

Many have said positive things about my upper lip mole, saying that it brings its owner good fortune blah blah blah. So I nicknamed it my luxury mole because women with this particular mole were believed to lead luxurious lives.

I’ll have you know that I am still waiting for my luxury. Whilst I admit that I am leading a good comfortable life, not in want of much but by no means is my life luxurious. Where is my Prada or my LV if I was? Or my Lexus? I am still driving my measly Proton and I am still in want of Beth and especially Faridah.

While we are at this mole business, why don’t you head over to Laksa’s post on it? I have moles Number 12, 18 and 21. What about you?



great dame of shopping?

we can be best friend!

1:53 am  

Hahahaha... what does that make you? The Duchess of Shopping?? Saw your Luella stuff =)

2:08 am  

hi there - nice blog you got here :)

thanks for linking my site!

as to your query on faces without moles, i still haven't figured that one out - perhaps the mole reading on the face would not apply, will have to analyze moles on other parts of the body!

9:05 am  

Hi there.... No probs abt the linking.. it's my pleasure. Now all you need to do is write another article abt moles on parts of the body 'cos I am curious!!!

12:12 pm  

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