Sunday, April 23, 2006
I Wanna Go Home
It’s been...
It’s been...
It’s been...
It’s been...
I think I am ready to return to my English home. Are you, my dear readers, ready to return to England with me and experience a different Otto?  I used to love being alone. I loved being the center of attention. I loved the fact that I could call anyone anytime and I never need to be worry for anything. I would be picked up from anywhere within 30 minutes if I was ever lost. I would be fed whatever my food cravings desired if I was hungry. I would be clothed, cuddled and flattered. I would be told how pretty I looked, how much they loved me and wanted to take care of me. Even on fat days, I surround myself with MiniBoyFriends who would tell me I would feel better the next day. In my darkest moment when my imagination ran wild, I imagined my lawyer (who is a friend I knew since I was 14) coming to save my sorry ass from being photographed squatting at a police station. And despite all the blessings I had in my life, I was lost and confused. I never knew who I could trust. It was more often that I found people that I could NOT trust than those that I could. And all the sweetness and good things felt like nothing and my life felt dark. And time and time again, I would hold myself back from all my lovers. I never gave the all of me, maybe just a 90%? Never all of me. I loved partying too much. I loved the attention and I knew I could have my way. But seriously how long can you do that? How long can you run and be chased? How long can you send men round and round the city, running after a glimpse of you? How long can you cocktease the boys? How long can you bat your lashes and dance your way into the hearts of men? How do you know if they are true and if they are fake? Only time can tell such things. And time has shown me that Alex is always around. I used to love him being away because it meant I could go out with the rest of my friends. It was the best of two worlds - both single and attached. I never understood why all my girlfriends were in a rush to find a boyfriend. I felt that I could always find another, if the shoe fits. And believe me, there is more than just one shoe in this world that would fit you comfortably. Was never in a hurry to be attached to anyone. I still have that independent and rebelious streak in me but even I can tell that I have mellowed down a lot. Now I stare at the four walls and I wish that Alex is near me. We had the best fun together. He made me laugh. His jokes were funny. His intentions were the best. With him, I feel safe enough to fall asleep and perhaps even grow old *smiles* I no longer feel happy when I am in huge crowds without him. I find that I miss him more and more each day. The feeling is foreign. I am not used to feeling like the way I do now. I ache for Alex. He is stripping the wallpaper in our living room and painting it pale yellow. Before I arrived last year, he changed the sheets and bought girl things to make the house a home. That is my home, a place that is solely mine and Alex's. It is a world unto itself, where we go somewhere in the countryside on weekends, where we get kiasu about the birds in our bird table. Alex even knows what kiasu means. I wanna go home. Is come and gone away In Paris and Rome But I wanna go home Mmmmmmmm Maybe surrounded by A million people I Still feel all alone I just wanna go home Oh I miss you, you know And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you Each one a line or two I'm fine baby, how are you?? Well I would send them but I know that it?s just not enough My words were cold and flat And you deserve more than that Another aerorplane Another sunny place I'm lucky I know But I wanna go home Mmmm, I've got to go home Let me go home I'm just too far from where you are I wanna come home And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life It's like I just stepped outside When everything was going right And I know just why you could not Come along with me But this was not your dream But you always believe in me Another winter day has come And gone away And even Paris and Rome And I wanna go home Let me go home And I'm surrounded by A million people I Still feel alone Oh, let go home Oh, I miss you, you know Let me go home I've had my run Baby, I'm done I gotta go home Let me go home It will all right I'll be home tonight I'm coming back home" ~ I Wanna Go Home, Michael Buble Labels: Alex, relationship |
So, are you seriously thinking about going back?
where are you again?
Home is where the heart feels belonged.
Unfortunately, I don't feel like I belong in Melbourne at all. Maybe it all changes when you've found someone worth spending your everyday with...
When are you going to Kent btw?
LoveBlaze
Yes, I am seriously going back to the UK. Have submitted my application in the British Embassy. Will know result in 5 working days.
Boss Stewie
Between the UK and Msia for most years. Currently in Msia and should be away for approx. 5 mths in the UK, specifically 30 mins by train from London. I think I should be driving my A6 in mid May.
Ian
Heading there asap. I am going crazy here. Stressed out before even heading out to work on Monday. Isn't that terrible?
Dear Otto, I'm leaving to further my studies in the UK during June. Care 2 meet up and be my tour guide?
-Uncle Ho's Apprentice-
Every corner of this world, be it UK or M'sia is wonderful if it will bring happiness and sweet memories to be cherished later.
Then go back, if UK where your heart is. =) Everything means nothing if you don't feel at home, don't feel loved and at ease.
Hey Otto,
I'm in London now. And Home is really where the heart is. My heart isnt in London. And it's a hole to be completely honest.
I really hope that going to UK for the next 5 months will make you happy. Life is all about making decisions for ourselves. And I hate how I've made my decisions for other people.
We deserve to be happy. :) Life is too short to let ourselves be miserable. So cheezy. Haha.
It'll be cool to have another friend in London though, if you're up for it. :P Much love darls.
U only THINK life is better over there, when things go wrong you will have no where to go except home, just like what has happened with sweedish guy. btw i think its a good move that u love your job and you are not willing to give it up because i know very few people who like doing that they are doing. You are only thinking of a temporary solution.
Anon
That is quite some words coming out of you =)
Well I don't THINK that life is better elsewhere. I actually believe that life everywhere is about the same. Some good parts, some bad parts.
What is different between the UK and Msia is the fact that I will be with someone that I love... and I am sure that even you realised that being with someone you love makes a WHOLE difference in your life.
Home is where your heart is. The main reason why I keep going back "home" is because I have vested interest in my business. It is difficult juggling loving what you do and loving someone. I am sure you understand.