About Nude Not Naked

I burrowed myself into my pillows last night; into all eight of them. I abandoned my favourite down pillow and opted for a cheap fibre pillow from Tesco instead. Perhaps I was trying to punish myself for being stupid. Perhaps I wanted to distant myself from who I am inside.

Sleep was light and the baby birds were driving me insane. No wonder the mummy bird did not sleep with them. I wouldn’t. Tossed and turned. At approximately 0300 hours, I sat by my iBook to read adoring emails from my die-hard fans. There were none. I did not know whether to pity myself or to laugh it off and feel good, knowing that all you guys out there got a life and not feed off every little word I write in Nude, Not Naked.

For the second time this year, I got ready and drove off to my office by 0900 hours. Now that is called dedication, my friends. En route, I had two phone calls from office, discussing the uniforms. Apparently my threat was taken seriously and all uniforms will be delivered by next Monday 1000 hours.

I switched on my iBook and tried printing again. Crossed my fingers as I swivelled in my chair, that the prints will run smoothly. Tough luck. Two copies of a one page document took four minutes. Tried it again and AGAIN IT TOOK FOUR MINUTES to print. I had to leave the table, just to give the printer some space – for the printer’s own safety and physical wellbeing – less I crush it into a kabillion tiny little pieces.

“Hi XYZ. I am most annoyed,” I said.

“It isn’t working?” he asked.

So I went through the details and explained that I just could not accept such crap in my office.

“Printing one thousand copies will take me 3.125 days, if I worked the printer 8 hours per day.”

I guess he felt a little bad about my predicament. Well I hope he did. After all we have been through together anyway – six PCs, one iBook, two Samsung LCD screens, a few printers, contracting the IT solutions for my church and some miscellaneous stuff. And oh, casual dating.

You see, this phone number is special compared to some other numbers in little black phone book. Which might explain why I felt the way I felt yesterday, which was a great sense of betrayal.



Then
“Well you know my business and what I do,” he said. This was probably our fifth conversation or so. “And I think it is important that I look for someone who is compatible with my personality and is able to stand by my side.”

I nodded my head, absorbing what he was telling me that evening. He then mentioned what I did and what he thought was special about me. Then he said, “So I am wondering if you are willing to come out on casual dates with me. Just to get to know me a little bit better. You can discover if we are compatible and if you will be happy with me.”

At that point in time, I was already with Alex. However I was willing to give it a try. I called Alex up and explained to him the situation and despite hearing him mew 14,000 kms away from me, I went out with XYZ. This makes me sound so cruel and unfair to Alex, doesn’t it? But I had my reasons. At that point in time, I wanted to keep my options a little more open and to ensure that I have the best for myself. Alex did not approve nor did he disapprove. I guess Alex understood.

And XYZ knew the arrangement too. So with that, I went on several dates with XYZ, mostly dinners and drinks. Occasional movies. And in the short span of time, I found him to be honest and extremely hardworking. I can never work the sort of hours he pours into his company.

Some weeks later, the dates stopped and I had come to my conclusion.

I loved Alex even more than I thought I did. And despite this man, perfect in many, MANY ways, exemplary husband material (honest, kind, giving, loving, supportive, serious, good looking, swimmer’s body blah blah blah) I felt it was not the right relationship for me. I did not laugh as much as I did when I was with Alex. I did not tell him as much stories, as I did with Alex.

Some girls might think I am crazy. Actually let me rephrase that - I know many girls think that I am crazy. He was a typical Asian much sought after husband and he was attractive with a winsome smile. He was the kind that Asian mothers like Minishorts’ would approve and quite possibly encourage to pursue a relationship with. My parents were won over. I was not.

Sometimes when I think about it, I feel bad for what happened. I mean, he was really extremely good to me. I could have had everything but I felt it was not the thing for me.



Now
I never told him directly and he never asked me. I think we both knew that I had drawn a line then. Now we meet up for tea, like friends. We can laugh and chat and everything seems a little lighter and better.

He was always helpful, always courteous, always perfect. And this morning, Mr. Perfect offered to come over to my office to check out the problem personally. Ten minutes later, we had figured out the problem. It had something to do with my iBook driver. Or whatever. He is trying to sort it out for me as I am typing this.

So everything has gone back to normal and the baby birds are chirping again. Sun is shining, I am smiling and Milo is sleeping under the pandan leaves.



And I am a happy little bunny! *hop hop hop*
It does not take much to make me smile. I promise.



Alex’s Valentine card arrived today. He wrote:

Hello little babs,

You cute, brown and sweet or not?

I’m sure that you are. Wishing you a great Valentine’s Day. Well as good as it can be when you are so far away from my loving arms… We have not exactly have a history of good Valentine’s Days, which is a little depressing but perhaps we will make up for it in the future.

My babs, what to do when you are so far away… Alex



Alex’s comment that he and I do not have a history of good Vdays refers to the fact that we have never celebrated Vday together, on the same continent. Alex and I have not really argued or fought. We might be annoyed and have an annoyed tone but neither of us has ever raised our voices or hands.



Okay boys and girls, I shall leave you guys now. I am treating myself to a nice hair wash. Mmmm.... love to all =)



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Small Talk
Thank you to those who wrote nice emails earlier last evening. By now, you would realise that all is well on Otto's land *smiles*
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