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Friday, February 03, 2006
Losing My Virginity

The V word.

Some say they still have it with great pride. Others say they’ve lost it in hush tones. Some make you lie on a white cloth to prove it. Others don’t want you if you still have it at 30 years. Men greatly prize it. And some men just want you to discard it. Pronto. Mothers like Minishorts’ say you shouldn’t lose it. Some fathers will kill you if you’ve lost it.

Most religion encourages you to hold on firm to yours until you get married. Most boyfriends ask you to lose yours as soon as you possibly can. With them.

Some girls brag about it while the science teacher is teaching reproduction during Form Three while some boys bet who will be the first among them to go where no boy has gone before. Agony Aunts and Uncles throughout the world are STILL busy replying questions like, “I used my fingers only. Am I still one?” and “He put in three quarter inch only. Still virgin or not?”.

When does one loses his virginity?
The most common perception is virginity is lost when the hymen is broken. Well, at least for girls. Some dictionaries (yes, I do check for definitions too) define a virgin as one who has no sexual experience. This has nothing to do with what you’ve penetrated something or have been penetrated.

Which means: Yes, you who indulged in heavy petting and just short of penetration, you are no longer a virgin. Oh yes, you too, Miss_He_Didn't_Cum_In_Me and you, my brother who couldn't get your little brother in all the way. Don't argue with me, just seek a dictionary and find out for yourself. That's the dictionary's definition.

Otto's Definition
With sexual experience nearing a decade, I would like to think that you lose your virginity when you give yourself away spiritually and emotionally. It is one thing to be the first to tear the hymen and have sex (make love, if the term makes you feel better cherished or fuck, if you are confident and naughty like a horny housewife) a scared young teenager, who was coaxed into having sex to prove her love for her 16 year old boyfriend and another, when you have a young lady who immersed herself in the sexual union, feeling no shame but total love when she felt wet between her secret garden.

I have used female examples in my previous paragraph but what is our world without the Yang to our Ying? So here are the male equivalent: a man who had drunken sex session in the pantry with a girl whom he cannot recall for fuck sake and the man who stripped himself of his ego, gave up society approved macho reputation and surrendered his whole being to the girl.

More than a piece of skin?
You give more than a piece of skin when you lose your virginity. The moment you give your spiritual person and be communed with your partner, now that’s the moment you lost your virginity.

When you throw everything to the wind and don’t give a fuck how your hair looks like.

Or whether he minds that your left breast is larger (only slightly!) than your right.

Or what he thinks of you, who secretly fantasize of being a sex slave, serving your master whenever he feels he wants to feel your inner warmth once again.

Or how he would react when he finds out you have a foot fetish (you like your feet stroke, not smelling people’s shoes, damn it!).

Now that is the moment you lose your virginity.

And so!
Do not fret so much, if you had lousy first time sex. Trust me, the first time often isn’t the best time. Do not regret if you lost it to the scumbag who ditched you two days later. Do not cry if she did not love you enough to stay in the relationship. Do not regret too much for having sex with the idiot because you loved him and thought he was the one, only to find out later that he was not. Do not have your hopes dashed into a thousand pieces because she thought you underperformed. Or you lost your wits and everything went downhill (yes, literally it was down, down, down) when you panicked the first time. Don’t pray to God a thousand times a day, begging for forgiveness for doing it before marriage.

Do not. Do not.

Look forward to the day, when you find someone you truly love. And who loves you in return. Who takes you as you are, who does not seek to change you, who appreciates you for your quirks and laughs with you, not at you. Embrace that moment in time, when your eyes meet, your hearts cross into knots and your souls join, where the union surpasses the physical and melts into different dimension of love.

Embrace that moment because that will be the moment you lost your virginity.

My First Time
I lost myself to Alex, I must admit that. Now Alex would grin from ear to ear when he hears this (he believes he set me free from society's judgment), so you and I will keep this one a secret (that Alex is most probably right). Although I had previous sexual experiences (I had several long term relationships, each lasted for a minimum of two years) I never felt comfortable in my skin. I felt awkward being naked and had poor body image (don't all young 20 something female feel the same?). Most importantly of all, I refused to allow my body and mind to relax and relish each moment as it unfolded.

It is called guilt, I guess. I grew up in a church and had all those “pre-marital sex is a sin” ideas squashed into my impressionable young mind. And for a long time, I felt restless and uncomfortable that I had actually lost my virginity (so to speak) outside of the marital bed. I mean, damn it, which Christian brother is going to marry me now? How am I going to explain to my future husband how I did not love him enough to wait for him? (so most adults tell you anyway).

That is until I found Alex. And in Alex, I lost myself. I was free to express my thoughts and for the first time in my life, I felt no shame in having sex with him. As a matter of fact, I enjoyed it. Despite various “counseling” from my parents and interference and pressure from the church/society/whatever, I stuck my grounds and for once felt that sex was good and I felt good as a being with flesh and blood.

I lost my virginity the moment I said, “I want you like thisssss… yes, give it to me like that… do it HARDer… yes, more... I want MORE...”. I bit his shoulder, dug my fingers gently along his back as heaven opened its doors. And as a million angels sang and Alex rocked us back and forth, I felt safe in his arms.

And baby, sex is supposed to feel good. And when you feel good about sex for the first time in your life - when sex fulfills more than just the blood rush to your love petals, when sex is not the primary tool for communicating your devotion for each other, when sex completes your love – that is the same moment you lose your virginity.

Short Talk
"Losing My Virginity" is dedicated to lovers out there who have regretted not waiting for that special someone. May this article bring you some measure of peace and healing in your hearts. It is especially written for readers out there, who were torn by bad first time experiences - be it sexual abuse or bad lovers.

You will lose your virginity truly when
you freely give yourself to someone who loves you.

Written to inform young teenagers, especially girls, on their choices that they will make or have made in their pass, this is the first of some entries discussing issues pertaining to sex such as safe sex practices, sexual knowledge and protection.

Please forward this article to your friends, if you feel it has benefited you in any way. Just copy and paste this permalink -

Much love,


Labels: , ,


Your welcome, my dear. I'll have this entry on today's daily links (my automated entries that pop up during midnights).

2:05 pm  

i loved the post.. thanks...

2:44 pm  

Cool read but I'm better than you. I'm the jerk who screw girls and ditch them them 5 minutes later.

7:56 pm  

Eliar: Much thanks from me =D

Jasmine: I am glad that you enjoyed the post. It was just a fun coincidence that we were writing on a similar topic today.

Jerk: Thanks for the compliment.

Food for thought: Ditch them now or ditch them later, what difference does it make to the heart?

9:34 pm  

no no nooo... don't feel sorry for losing your virginity... if you're holding on to it until you're married.. you have never never never lived life...

6:46 pm  

good post.

1:45 am  

virginity is overrated anyway.. hahahaha... so is sex.

11:40 pm  

Losing your virginity to that SPECIAL SOMEONE is definitely overrated... society places so much pressure on virginity is proof to your future husband/wife that you love them very super much.

This is preached in churches (probably other religions too, though I am can not be certain).

It is also reinforced by many campaigns that promote celibacy "wait until I am married" sex education throughout the world.

If parents directly tell their kids that sex is a taboo and is a dirty subject (or even giving out negative vibes) the kids will grow up having hang ups - either they turn into sex perverts to some degree or are unable to enjoy their bodies.

12:11 am  

Thank you for this wonderful entry. :)

I lost my virginity when I wasn't ready. And the weeks, months even, after that was hellish. I screamed, cried, even went into depression briefly, but it was nothing time couldn't cure. I just had to move on..

But I have never really enjoyed sex with my partner. The reasons are what you have pointed out - guilt and refusal to allow the body and mind to relax.

Heh...I MIGHT have a sexual dysfunction..or it could all be psychological :P

After reading this, there perhaps still might be hope for me to fully enjoy sex then :P

Once again, thank you.

4:31 pm  

agreed! hehehehe...

I lost mine to a good friend after some cheap booze in her besfriends moms bedroom!! lol!! man.... what a trip! but it was awesome... in retrospect anyway... :)

2:40 pm  


I am glad that you found the entry reassuring. Take heart that sex with a loved one is special. Take the time to relax. Trust and security are definitely key issues to address and once you've overcome those, you will be a sexy kitten, baby :)

3:15 pm  

What is this mother's bedroom thingy?! *laughs*

On weekends, for years, I used to hold AB's hands to sleep. Mostly in his room but there were a few occasions when we slept in his mom's.

There is just something naughty about parent's bedrooms....... perhaps marking of territory... LOL

3:18 pm  

lose my virinity at school boys bathroom i was 11 1/2 years old now i have 11 yearold girl i had her whan i was 12 years old he was 16 years old it was his first time too now we are married and haveing one on the why it a boy.

12:10 am  

i lose my virginty at his mom house in her bed i was 10 years old my ex-friend was 18 years old.

12:23 am  

man i love this post. THANKS. something new for today :'D

2:19 pm  

Anon 2:19 p.m.
You are most welcome. Share it with your friends if you think it was a good one. There should be another article on masturbation coming soon. I just need proper time to sit down to write it.

2:23 pm  

This was a really great post. I'm 16 and I lost my virginity to my boyfriend last nite. Now I feel depressed and like I gave away something really special. We didn't even get to finish because his mates came over... Thanku for this post because it helped me to feel a little better.

4:33 am  

Anon 4:33
I am glad that you found comfort in this post of mine. I hope all is well for you and that you would lose your virginity all over again one day.

11:27 pm  

Thanks for the post. A good one :) I so agree in most of it :)

1:22 am  

Thank you.

8:48 am  

i'll definately link this up. after reading this, i'm even more assured that my current bf isnt the one whom i wanna lose my virginity to ~ at the moment. haha...i guess i just dont love him. it's only 'like'. lol...*hugs*

9:28 am  

I'm amazed at how may times I've seen a link to this page in the many forums that I frequent...

Lovely article. If it managed to pry open a small hole in just one of the many asians that have a narrow-minded mindset, than it's a job well done.


3:53 am  

i read a lot of blog but this is the first time i read ur blog. I love how u structure the story and i do beleive u right a good stuff ! u knid of open and honest -which most bloggers try to explain but they failed !

keep it up - hope u send more post - since i already mark ur blog as favourite .. hehehe..

happy blogging..

7:25 pm  

I'm a virgin still at 24 because I know what the Bible says about sex: "Marriage is honorable in all, and that bed is undefiled, but God will judge adulterers and whoremongers." (Hebrews 13:4).

"Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God."

Repent of your sins today, that God may grant you everlasting life through Jesus Christ His Son. Then read your Bible daily and obey what you read. God never fails to keep His promises.

3:56 pm  

I am glad that you found the answer that you yearned. Sharing yourself with someone else is very sacred and you should only share yourself with someone that you truly love and you can be yourself.

Just wanted to share my own experiences, I guess =) Thank you for your compliment.

I believe you wrote me an email previously and I replied. Anyway thanks for reading this silly blog of mine. I hope my thoughts entertain you and do give me a beep whenever you are free.

Thank you for your comments. I shall spend some time and reflect on your words today. Thank you.

5:47 pm  

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