About Nude Not Naked

Quite some time ago (that would be two years ago, I think) I had a strange dream. Perhaps it was not so strange a dream after all. Perhaps it was an omen foretelling my life story. Perhaps it was my subconscious working in overtime.

I cried when I woke up from that dream. I quickly wrote it down in my dream journal (not a literal book but a conscious decision to remember that particular dream). I told Alex but he did not see why I was fussing about.

Maybe if I shared it with you, you would understand why I felt distressed.

In my dream, I became ill. I went from one doctor to another, trying to find a cure but no doctor could cure what I suffered. In the dream, I was in constant pain. Though it was only a dream, it cast an awful feeling on my whole body as I felt quite wretched, to be honest.

As the dream progressed, it was soon discovered that someone (a rival) placed a charm/spell on me, which caused me all the suffering that it did. It pained my heart so much to discover that on top of all the betrayal I had felt in that dream, someone had placed a spell on me, to cause me as much discomfort as it was possible.

How my heart sank. How bitter I felt and how disappointed with everything that was around me. I went to my father and I told him what had happened. That the people around me, those who hugged me and called me their friend; those were the very people who were betraying me.

“Tell me father, tell me what to do. Do I leave everything I have here in Malaysia, forsake all the luxuries I have here and go to the UK, where I will have to start all over again?”

I was sitting at my father’s feet, feeling a two edged sword piercing thru my heart. One from the sickness I felt in my body and the other from the betrayal I felt in my heart. Tell me, my readers, which aches more? A physical pain or an emotional pain?

I will never forget what my father said to me in the dream. I remember those words so clear that I got up to write you this posting, to let you know what my father’s words were.

He said, “My dear child, exchange your diamonds for pearls; your outer glory for inner happiness.”

And that was the end of the dream. I woke up in cold sweat and tears were streaming down my cheeks. The dream was vivid that it felt so real. I remember what my father said in the dream so well.

Throw away all the pride I have in my life. Give up all the things that I have back in Malaysia. All the friends that I hug each night at parties, all the little gifts and luxuries (time, help from maids, the car, the house etc) I had, all the attention I had from boys, everything – just give them all up.

Give them all up because it will not do me any good in the end. I will end up with nothing more than pain, if I had continued walking down the path that I was.

Of course there were lots of “happenings” around, lots of beautiful people to hang out with, lots of discounts on clothes and shoes from boutiques, lots of drinking, parties, dinners, dates, friends, admirers and in one way or another, many lovers. But what would that have left me at the end of the day when the sun sets?

My dream told me what my heart denied when I was awake. I was so sad and insecure despite everything.

Do not, for a second, think that I am downgrading. You see, my father’s words (though it was in a dream) was pretty smart. He said, “Exchange diamonds for pearls.” Now we all know that diamonds and pearls are both equally expensive and much sought after. So it was never meant to be a lowering of standard. It was not a “sacrifice”. It was a mere exchange from one expensive gift to another. It was some sort like moving to the next stage.

And this is what I exchanged for...



A close up photo of a poppy growing in my garden.



Tungsten, a silver tabby Maine Coon visits me daily for some loving.



Took this photo while relaxing to a picnic in Salisbury.



All the flowers coming to bloom in the secret wall garden
in Alex's parent's home in Scotland.



Red poppies against the beautiful house on a warm summer day.



What do you think of my "pearls"? Have you ever felt like exchanging your diamond for pearls?