About Nude Not Naked

What can you do when all you can do is shake your head, cry, mourn, hug the person, rock her body steadily, tell her that everything is going to be all right but nothing is all right. And you know and she knows. This is the moment when “love does not conquer all”.

And tears fall, yours and hers, but you have to smile. You sing her your love song, the song you two danced to when you were 28 and she a few years younger. She grips your hands tighter and tigher.

You say you love her and you kiss her forehead. You hold onto her hands tightly, selfishly keeping her with you in this carnal world. She says she loves you and that everything will be all right. You shake your head and cry. And in that one moment, she closes her eyes. You can feel her slipping through your fingers and all is lost.

You lay her down and arrange her hair. You say,”Sayang, let me find your favourite Raya dress.” You wipe all the tears, walk out of the room, look at your aides, the press, family members and well wishers and bravely you say, “She passed on peacefully. I’ll look for her favourite Raya dress.” The room falls into a hush. And you walk away while people move quietly around you.

You comb her hair and kiss her one last time. Everyone’s around and you have lost your private moments with her. You no longer have her although her body laid down on the bed. You feel like shouting to release the pain but you have to be solemn and keep a strong front.

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What do you say when you’ve ran out of words? When there are no more tears to cry? What can you do when you will give anything just to smell her again, but nothing you can give will do so? When you hug her body tightly and she still slips away?

When you tried your best but it is not good enough? When your spirit soars but your body is weak? When you fight a hard and long battle but in the end you still lose? When you smile and give your best but today the smile and the best no longer ties you to this world?

What words do you say when it is your last goodbye? When nothing you can say or do matters because you have only a few more minutes to say “I love you”? When “I love you” is no longer enough?

What can you do to stop the raging fire of pain from consuming your heart? When pain surpasses the physical body and morphs into pangs of anger and frustrations, as your hearts are unwilling to let go? You hope and you pray but your prayers are unanswered today.


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My deepest condolence to our Prime Minister and his family, on the passing of Datin Seri Endon.