About Nude Not Naked

Do you know what is worse than dying? Well I was kept awake two hours by this very question. What is worse than dying my dear friends, is the day after you die.

What happens if you died tonight when you sleep and wake up tomorrow, realising that you have left your mortal body? Some might figure that you will end up in either heaven or hell, depending on your deeds. Heaven would be bliss, I was told. No sickness. Only roads and streets paved in gold. Although I don’t understand why we are stuck on precious jewels and metals, which if you hadn’t notice, are coincidentally very earthly and carnal desires for material gains.

Why bother with a heaven that is paved in gold when money don’t matter anymore? Now that’s something to ponder tomorrow night before I sleep.

But as for tonight, let’s just stick to burning in hell and thenafter.

Shit would be finding out that you are burning in hell on the day after you die. Right?

Actually. No.

I think there is something worse than rotting in hell for all eternity. Oh yes there is, ladies and gentlemen. There is something worse than hell’s burning fires and Satan and Saddam’s dinner invite on alternate weekends. What is worse than dying and ending up in hell begins with a “R” and ends with a “T” with “EGRE” in between them.

REGRET.

It would be terrible to wake up the day after you die, realising that you have regrets while you were alive. And there is no turning back once you crossed the line.



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I wake up in a puddle of sweat. Everyone sleeps soundly but like a watchman on his 2 a.m. round, I am alert. I am on guard. I lay still and keep watch over everything that happens around me. I pick and dissect today. What was good, what was bad. What went well and who the hell does the old geezer think he is, cockstaring me at the bloody traffic light?

My buttons are pushed. My shoulders are bruised. They knock me over and they never apologize. It is their god-damn right to push me around. I don’t belong here, I am told. I am an alien and my father eats pork.

Actually my family doesn’t eat pork since the day we adopted our 2 year contractual, extended family member. She is Indonesian, of course.

I am worried for my safety, like I have never worried before. I lived my whole life in a house where the door and gate are almost nearly 100% unlocked during the day. These days I check my locks a few times and I sleep without resting. I hear every creak and every little rustle in the trees.

Just the other night, the phone rang at 2 a.m. I never pick it up, so I rolled over and closed my ears. The phone died down and I rolled to the other side. The phone rang again in minutes and just as I was about to roll over and close my ears, I sprung up.

‘What the hell! It could be the bloody idiots testing if I am awake in the house,’ I said to myself. I rushed out of bed, ran through the house and switched on the lights. It was my signal to the outside noise that I am awake.

I am here. I know you are out there.



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Have you thought of the legacy you leave for your kids? Maybe I am just a thinker. Or a dreamer. Or a philosopher. Most think that they are all the same person and that I am one. I have thought about what I am leaving for my kids and what I want to pass to my children.

I am not talking of gold nuggets and LV bags here. I am smart enough to earn my keeps and I am bloody sure that my children are as smart as their mother, if not smarter. They will never need anything from their mother, the same way I do not need anything from mine. My mother gave me skills that guarantees me a future and I will pass to my children the very same skills (plus-minus some miscellaneous stuff, which I politely decline to share. I am sure you have your private bag of emotional baggage).

I am not sure if many people think of what they are leaving behind. They enjoy today too much to care about tomorrow. And before they know it, WHAM! They’re dead and it’s the day after they had died. Which basically means it is already too late.

I am not here to preach world peace or animal rights – although I am passionate about both. Just like you, I have only 24 hours but I am thinking of ways to be accountable for mine. I am way too busy to bother with trivial matters.

I am only concerned about what matters most when I wake up on the day after I die.



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I am worried about the future. I am worried for my children. I am worried about raising my daughters, especially. I am concerned for civil liberty. Especially these days when the basic block of my rights as a human and as a citizen seem to be chipped at, a little at a time.

I don’t read the newspapers anymore. Reading another day’s worth of newspaper is depressing these days. I don’t know if you have noticed but these are rare and exciting times to live. What we are witnessing before our eyes will go down in history.

History books might distort the truth of what really happened, as they are written and rewritten by those in power. But our minds’ account of history lives forever. Or at least until you and I are silenced in death.

We are witnesses to a royal inquiry into the accountability of our Malaysian judiciary. Whether it is true or false doesn’t matter. The damage is done. The legal system is tarnished and it will take years to restore the faith of the people.

It will take years to restore my faith in the Malaysian legal system, for the fact that its legitimacy is questioned.

The other worrying trend in the newspapers is the body snatchers. Now I seriously do not care for the world, what religion the body snatchers represent. The operative word here, for me at least, is ethics and there happen to be none (or very little of it). And this worries me a lot. Grieving families have the right to grieve and burry their lost without the interruption of strangers, who never cared for hoots for the dead until he died. I have a problem with that notion.

Death might be as sure as the sun rising from the east but be assured that no one enjoys watching a loved one dying. You have no control over what happens after someone die. The last few control you have is the body of the dead. Can you imagine losing the very last right to respect and bury your loved one?

I don’t mean to be mean but it can be likened to our prime minister finding out that some men claiming the body of his beloved wife, saying that she converted to XYZ religion and should be buried according to its rites. And he has no right to say ‘no’. They just take her body and bury her elsewhere – somewhere of no consequence to her or him. But mattered all in the world to the strangers.

You go justify that one while I write about another news worthy cringe.



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I have never been this frightened in my life. It is not affecting me directly but I am affected by it nonetheless. I cry when I read about the lives of Revathi Masoosai and Lina Joy – women who lost the battle the day they were born. Revathi was forcibly detained and separated from her child for 180 days. She was detained against her will by a group of people who had no right to detain anyone, let alone someone who is not of them.

You want to talk about family values? What family values is there when you forcibly break up a loving, law abiding and functioning family compromising of a husband, ONE wife and seven kids (eg: Martimutu)? Who gave you the right to tell them what is right or wrong? Who are you to define their marital status? And who gave you the right to deprive seven young children of a normal childhood?

Marimutu’s children should sue the government for not protecting their rights as children in the country. Oh hell, they might as well sue the queen of England instead since chances are a court case not favouring the government or certain influential people (who merrily drank their way beyond recognition) would take years.

I am worried for my rights as a citizen of Malaysia. Every single day I read the newspapers and it is shouting that my rights are stripped, slowly but surely. What is stopping some strangers from taking a body of my loved one? There is no guarantee, is there? They might just spring a “He has conveniently converted 3 days before he died. Oh didn’t he mention? I am sorry but his body still has to go…”

Who can guarantee my freedom to express my thoughts and opinions? A weaker person might think that I am preaching hate here when all that I am doing is defending my rights according to the Malaysian Constitution, which states ever so explicitly:


Article 8
1. All persons are equal before the law and entitled to the equal protection of the law.

2. Except as expressly authorized by this Constitution, there shall be no discrimination against citizens on the ground only of religion, race, descent or place of birth in any law relating to the acquisition, holding or disposition of property or the establishing or carrying on of any trade, business, profession, vocation or employment .

Take note that the definition of “law” stated above is the Malaysian civil laws. All of us are entitled to equal protection of the law, by which these articles are bound.

There shall be no discrimination against citizens on the grounds of religion, race, descent etc - which basically means I am equally as entitled to all the privileges given to the bumiputras as the bumiputra sitting next to me.

The very same article states that my Muslim brothers and sisters are firstly accountable to the Malaysian civil court and are bound by its rules. Any other court or laws are secondary to the Malaysian civil court. The Constitution and its laws are the supreme law in Malaysia.


Article 11
1. Every person has the right to profess and practice his religion and, subject to Clause (4), to propagate it.

Read it clearly. Every person has the right to profess and practice his religion. The last I recall, even Muslims are “every people”.


Article 12
1. Without prejudice to the generality of Article 8, there shall be no discrimination against any citizen on the grounds only of religion, race, descent or place of birth....

It is like jackpot here. It is clearly mentioned again that there SHALL BE NO DISCRIMINATION against any citizens on the grounds only of RELIGION, RACE, DESCENT OR PLACE OF BIRTH.

Does this mean that we can sack politicians who ask us to “balik cina” or “balik India” in the Parliament? Asking me to go back to China appears to be a discrimination against me on the grounds of race.


3.No person shall be required to receive instruction in or take part in any ceremony or act of worship of a religion other than his own.

I am relieved when I read this clause. I am not required to receive instruction or take part in any ceremony or act of worship etc. I was okay with the mosque’s call to prayer with four speakers but I think it’s a little over zealous to crank up the volume and add four more speakers to the very well maintained existing four speakers. I don't understand how the other 4 call to prayers sound so melodic with the first one being the exception.

And if you can’t count, that's 8 speakers on a little village mosque. I really like its architecture and smile whenever I see it. It looks really beautiful until I am forcibly woken up for an hour every morning. Me no likes that at all.

In case you are saying I am prejudice against Islam, let me state that I agree that no bells should chime on churches, no ting tongs in Chinese temples and no ding dongs in Hindu temples. Which therefore makes me equally as prejudice against them lot.


4. For the purposes of Clause (3) the religion of a person under the age of eighteen years shall be decided by his parent or guardian.

Reversibly, does this mean that a person above the age of eighteen years have the right to decide his/her beliefs, faith and religion? I think it means just that but whether it is practiced here in Malaysia or not, depends entirely on the generosity of its people and the wisdom of its leaders to uphold the Federal Constitution.


I am losing faith in the sovereignty of the Federal Constitution. Which was written for me, to protect my right as a lawful citizen in Malaysia. Oh hell, if the newspapers don’t have much faith in the Malaysian legal system, why the hell are we talking about ideals such as our right as citizens of Malaysia?



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My UK visa will expire in May this year. I was reflecting on the necessity to extend it. Can I plead with the British Embassy that I NEED to extend my work visa because my faith that my country will protect me is dwindling by the nano seconds? Do you think they will give me a two year extension on humanitarian grounds? That I believe that my basic human rights are slowly undermined?

I do not want to end up waking up the day after I die, to find myself buried by some unknown strangers in some unknown place. Who so happen, thought it would be fun to bury me against my wishes. Or against the wishes of people who meant the world to me.

I have a huge concern for the things we teach our children. I am worried for the future Eves amongst us. Five years from now, will Eve be taught to shut up? Will she be called evil because she was born female? Will her sports attire be any longer than it is today? Will her teachers spit at her because she has a mind of her own? Will she stand on equal ground with Adam?

I want a heritage for my children. I want a bright future, where my children are valued for their contributions to society. A future where they are judged for what they can do and not for where their great grandfather came from. Where they stand equal with the friend next to them, given the privileges that all Malaysians deserve. Where they have the liberty and freedom to share their views without fear of prejudice.

Where they will never have to fill up forms stating their race. Based on ethics, I no longer tick the box which requires me to state my race. I think it is none of their business whether I am Chinese, Indian, Malay (or worse, "others"). Where their government will not deny them of their rights as Malaysian citizens. Where they vote for someone because he is the right person for the job. Where there is efficiency.

I want my children to taste freedom and in order for that to happen, I need to do something today. I need to vote at the coming election. I need to show the world that I think. This coming election will be the trip of a lifetime. Mark it down in your diary for it will be a day for Malaysians to remember. It will be the day where every single one of our voices count.

I am not preaching religion. I am not preaching against religion. I am talking about love for my country and my duty to protect it. It is my duty to protect my country. Get rid of those people who tell you that patriotism is nodding your head to whatever that is thrown to you. I'm sorry but telling me what a good track record the government has had in the last 50 years doesn't cut it for me. Not anymore anyway. What is important to me is where Malaysia is heading in the next 50.

Don't even try to subtly mention how the country will fall into disarray if the opposition comes into power. I might misunderstand your intention and label it as threat. I don't care whether the candidate is for the government or from the opposition. I want to know who is best for the job. Now if Obama has the slightest hope of being the first black President of the US, then I think we Malaysians are ready to vote for the right person - without prejudice against gender, age, political aliance and especially not discrimination against a candidate's race.

Vote for people of substance. Vote for truth and justice for all. It is time to vote for an efficient leader. That’s neo-patriotism.



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So have you thought about the day after you die? Have you thought of the name you leave behind? What inheritance is left for your children when you are gone? Is it the multi-million dollar business empire or the super expensive home? Will you sell your soul to the devil for a few good years of your life?

As for me, it is all about the ethics. It is all about basic human rights. It is the protection of my family and my neighbour’s. It is about bringing up children upright, not fucking them up with some sex segregation propaganda by certain quarters with ulterior motives.

I don’t want to wake up tomorrow, fearing that there is no tomorrow. I don’t want to face a day of regret, wishing that I did more. I don’t want to wake up one morning, wondering how on earth did Malaysia end up so fucked up. I don’t want to check the locks ten times before sleeping tonight.



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Good night, Otto. Sleep tight and don’t let the thieves come in tonight.